Couch hacking fun
Dear Readers,
As my wonderfully astute wife mentioned, we sawed the couch in half. Egads is right.
Our inital plan was simple:
1) Remove uphostry to allow us to saw at key points on the couch's wooden frame.
2) Sans superflous support bits, the couch would be "slimmer" in terms of fitting up the stairs to our new apartment - we are now in an old 3-story Victorian house, so those stairs can indeed be small and windy. We would simply take advantage of our augmented couch to bring it up.
3) Once in the apartment, we would use mending plates (we alread bought at Home Depot) and wood screws to fix the frame, and restaple the uphostry.
However, it went something like this:
4:50 pm - I arrived at our new apartment and began pulling out staples from the bottom of the couch (it was in the first-floor, back "porch"/egress).
5:30 pm - A little over half the staples on the bottom were removed, Dan showed up after work to help. We prompty went to dinner at Spike's Junkyard Dogs to discuss the battle plan (as detailed above).
5:55 pm - Returned from dinner (with some carryout in tow for Alyssa) and finished pulling off staples. As you can tell, they're were a whole lot. Especially frustrating, since the further from the bottom of the couch, the more stamples on the seams, etc.
6:25 pm - Began sawing. We cut the back-bottom support and the "ribbs" connecting that the seat and the front. By now we were both sweating like cheese.
6:40 pm - Started trying to bring it up the back stairs. Trying was the operative term.
This was where the movers initially tried to bring it up. It didn't clear by a couple inches, once on the 2nd landing. Guess what, still a couple of inches. Since removing an arm was out of the question (several hours removing staples, and then cutting through lots and lots of wood - more than a hacksaw could bite through), we figured we would try the front.
6:50 pm - Dragged the beast around front. Got up the the 2nd floor and got stuck getting in our door. We figured it out and got it in.
7:00 pm - We couldn't make it up the third floor stairs either. This is where our boxspring got stuck. The turn and the lower ceiling was enough to make it very very difficult to do much anything. Dan and I tried and tried and figured that short of making the couch into a completely floppy demi-version of itself, it was not happening.
People have asked me, in relating this story today, why I didn't get rope and hoist it through the window or a porch or something.... the reasons are:
1) No porch - period.
2) The couch is big enough (and our windows small enough) that we would have to remove the window *frame*, not just push up or lean in the panes.
So we, sweating and dripping profusely (it was hot, but the couch was the real culprit) told Alyssa that the thing would have to come up, cleft in twain.
No sooner than you (or Alyssa, as was the case) can say "f-it", we were sawing though wood and fabric with our little unhappy hacksaw. Removing the fabric in some areas would have required pulling staples out for the next four hours at least and taking off *all* the uphostry - and that's if we can get it back on.
We cut the front, and the middle support, and the back, and at least another piece of wood or two (including bits of the uphostry). We then folded it like a taco and dragged the limp couch up to the living room.
After breather, Dan left and I used wood screws and mending plate to get the frame back in one piece. Then I stapled on the uphostry and lo, we had a [mostly] intact couch. While I was doing that, however, Alyssa was looking though the IKEA catalog to see about a new sectional altogether.
In the end, we had a couch (and decided to go ahead and fix the fabric when we got a chance in the coming weeks), but after this apartment, that sectional is going to be toast. Perhaps next time around, I hack off the arm of this part of the sectional and tack it on Frankenstein-style to the other piece (thus making a loveseat with a fold out) but let's hope that won't be for a while. My hands still bear the wounds of the couch biting back and my back and arms are sore.
As my wonderfully astute wife mentioned, we sawed the couch in half. Egads is right.
Our inital plan was simple:
1) Remove uphostry to allow us to saw at key points on the couch's wooden frame.
2) Sans superflous support bits, the couch would be "slimmer" in terms of fitting up the stairs to our new apartment - we are now in an old 3-story Victorian house, so those stairs can indeed be small and windy. We would simply take advantage of our augmented couch to bring it up.
3) Once in the apartment, we would use mending plates (we alread bought at Home Depot) and wood screws to fix the frame, and restaple the uphostry.
However, it went something like this:
4:50 pm - I arrived at our new apartment and began pulling out staples from the bottom of the couch (it was in the first-floor, back "porch"/egress).
5:30 pm - A little over half the staples on the bottom were removed, Dan showed up after work to help. We prompty went to dinner at Spike's Junkyard Dogs to discuss the battle plan (as detailed above).
5:55 pm - Returned from dinner (with some carryout in tow for Alyssa) and finished pulling off staples. As you can tell, they're were a whole lot. Especially frustrating, since the further from the bottom of the couch, the more stamples on the seams, etc.
6:25 pm - Began sawing. We cut the back-bottom support and the "ribbs" connecting that the seat and the front. By now we were both sweating like cheese.
6:40 pm - Started trying to bring it up the back stairs. Trying was the operative term.
This was where the movers initially tried to bring it up. It didn't clear by a couple inches, once on the 2nd landing. Guess what, still a couple of inches. Since removing an arm was out of the question (several hours removing staples, and then cutting through lots and lots of wood - more than a hacksaw could bite through), we figured we would try the front.
6:50 pm - Dragged the beast around front. Got up the the 2nd floor and got stuck getting in our door. We figured it out and got it in.
7:00 pm - We couldn't make it up the third floor stairs either. This is where our boxspring got stuck. The turn and the lower ceiling was enough to make it very very difficult to do much anything. Dan and I tried and tried and figured that short of making the couch into a completely floppy demi-version of itself, it was not happening.
People have asked me, in relating this story today, why I didn't get rope and hoist it through the window or a porch or something.... the reasons are:
1) No porch - period.
2) The couch is big enough (and our windows small enough) that we would have to remove the window *frame*, not just push up or lean in the panes.
So we, sweating and dripping profusely (it was hot, but the couch was the real culprit) told Alyssa that the thing would have to come up, cleft in twain.
No sooner than you (or Alyssa, as was the case) can say "f-it", we were sawing though wood and fabric with our little unhappy hacksaw. Removing the fabric in some areas would have required pulling staples out for the next four hours at least and taking off *all* the uphostry - and that's if we can get it back on.
We cut the front, and the middle support, and the back, and at least another piece of wood or two (including bits of the uphostry). We then folded it like a taco and dragged the limp couch up to the living room.
After breather, Dan left and I used wood screws and mending plate to get the frame back in one piece. Then I stapled on the uphostry and lo, we had a [mostly] intact couch. While I was doing that, however, Alyssa was looking though the IKEA catalog to see about a new sectional altogether.
In the end, we had a couch (and decided to go ahead and fix the fabric when we got a chance in the coming weeks), but after this apartment, that sectional is going to be toast. Perhaps next time around, I hack off the arm of this part of the sectional and tack it on Frankenstein-style to the other piece (thus making a loveseat with a fold out) but let's hope that won't be for a while. My hands still bear the wounds of the couch biting back and my back and arms are sore.
posted by Keith at 3:34 PM
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