I'm in a "write-y" sort of mood today, but life is pretty slow to say the least. Still summer, although much cooler (thank you Jesus!), quiet weekend (also very good), quiet at work. I feel like I am just biding my time until Labor Day weekend.

So, what to write about?

I put my car up for sale this past weekend and as of 20 minutes ago got the firm go-ahead from a fellow Harvard employee that they will buy the car for $4940. I should be happy since I estimate that this will free up probably $300+ a month that currently goes for insurance, gas, parking, and maintenance for maybe $100 a month in Zipcar fees...but, I'm sad because I'm selling off my history. It was a fleeting and actually happy thought this morning that--"maybe it'll fall though or maybe no one will want it after all." But now I realize that the car will be gone as of Labor Day weekend and I'm nervous about being car-less for the first time in seven years.

The Focus was my first car I ever owned--my first new car. It is the third car I drove that I had a claim of over ownership over--my first, a 95 Chevy Cavalier purchased shortly before my 17th birthday by my parents in August 1997 (which met its sad end in an auto collision courtesy of a reckless driver ramming into me in June 1998), a Ford Escort that I shared very briefly with Steven upon my return home from Sweden in 1999 (when I was home from college). Then, it was this car, purchased May 19, 2000.

I remember...

talking to my parents in their bedroom when they called me to discuss my buying the car...picking it out between a red sedan and a red hatchback after a gold-colored one fell through...picking it up...my first real drive with my brothers and mom in the back seat going to Altoona...running the first errands after a mere one week of ownership in it where an errant gallon of orange juice exploded behind my seat on the floor--leaving the carpet sort of citrus-y and crispy ever since...my first out-of-state driving trip going solo to see my then-boyfriend in Connecticut despite my mother's objections...denting it a mere two months of ownership with a hitch from a Mack truck and being co-conspirers with my mother to hide the damage from my Dad until the bumper could be fixed...showing it off at college (when the Focus was a brand new model--hopefully to revitalize the Ford brand)...going to college back and forth moving out of multiple dorm rooms...moving into summer apartments and to/from my Nonni's place...digging it out of 6 feet of snow the Winter of 2003 with F&M grounds running a bobcat...going to summer classes and work in West Chester.

Driving back and forth over summers 2002 and 2003 to see Keith in Lancaster. Driving it up spring break March 2003 to Boston to see the town I would call home that I had never seen before. Getting the title and the car fully paid off right after college graduation. Driving it back and forth for family visits and holidays, back and forth for wedding planning, cramming myself into the front passengers seat in a wedding gown on my wedding day, going home with all our wedding loot piled in and my wedding gown and bouquet on top, road trips, weekend weddings, moving to and from new apartments, going to job interviews, crazy Boston driving and New England sightseeing, the ever-constant Costco runs, and now, it'll be gone...and I can't wrap my brain around it really.

When I got the bright idea to sell the car, I didn't consider how I was selling a piece of my history that has carried me through so many milestones. I didn't consider how many of my best memories, even those that seemed unimportant and not poignant, are attached to the car. And so, a little bit of my heart is breaking even though I keep logically telling myself to get real. "It's just a car!" I tell myself. I feel like a mental case inside.

Sure, I could pull out and not sell the car, but that would be stupid at best. The car is in excellent condition, 7 years old with 75,000 miles. Its going to a family who will have this car as their very first. The mom doesn't even have a driver's license. The son in the family is commuting back and forth to Bentley College. So the car will lead a second life taking someone to college, on dates, on adventures, provided its well cared for. When they saw it Tuesday night and exclaimed over it how well it looked for the price we want, I almost thought that I should say--"I changed my mind," throw Keith in, jump in, and drive off.

Everyone else as been shady who messages me. I'm getting every single wacko in the world e-mailing me with messages like:

"I see car and want car. I but need car right now this week. I pay cash." After a few of these e-mails with shady bits about wanting my address, and paying cash (who carries 5K around?) and needing it this second I had to wonder if my car would be used to smuggle bodies or drugs or something after Keith and I were held up at gunpoint for the car. While I never considered it at the time, I know that not just "anyone" was going to take MY car. It had to go to someone that would take care of it like I did, preferably a college student again.

Ironically, in my advice column reading which is a regular habit of the day, some readers recently have been writing into to talk about memories with their cars. I thought they were all crazies as they talked lovingly about their old jalopies. I guess I'm nuts too.

There will be other cars--the car that Keith and I buy as a married couple, the car that brings our babies home from the hospital, the car that takes them to day care, soccer practice, play dates, family vacations...the car that drives them to college eventually. I'll probably feel little pangs as I sell those as well because I'm a nut like that. Its just a little too much and more than ironic that I will lose my first real car and my first home all in the matter of months.

Labels: car, Focus, Labor Day, memories, milestones, shady people, Zipcar