Square wide jaw and prominant jaw line. Here's to my caveman....

Labels: caveman, Keith, square-jaw

I'm in a "write-y" sort of mood today, but life is pretty slow to say the least. Still summer, although much cooler (thank you Jesus!), quiet weekend (also very good), quiet at work. I feel like I am just biding my time until Labor Day weekend.

So, what to write about?

I put my car up for sale this past weekend and as of 20 minutes ago got the firm go-ahead from a fellow Harvard employee that they will buy the car for $4940. I should be happy since I estimate that this will free up probably $300+ a month that currently goes for insurance, gas, parking, and maintenance for maybe $100 a month in Zipcar fees...but, I'm sad because I'm selling off my history. It was a fleeting and actually happy thought this morning that--"maybe it'll fall though or maybe no one will want it after all." But now I realize that the car will be gone as of Labor Day weekend and I'm nervous about being car-less for the first time in seven years.

The Focus was my first car I ever owned--my first new car. It is the third car I drove that I had a claim of over ownership over--my first, a 95 Chevy Cavalier purchased shortly before my 17th birthday by my parents in August 1997 (which met its sad end in an auto collision courtesy of a reckless driver ramming into me in June 1998), a Ford Escort that I shared very briefly with Steven upon my return home from Sweden in 1999 (when I was home from college). Then, it was this car, purchased May 19, 2000.

I remember...

talking to my parents in their bedroom when they called me to discuss my buying the car...picking it out between a red sedan and a red hatchback after a gold-colored one fell through...picking it up...my first real drive with my brothers and mom in the back seat going to Altoona...running the first errands after a mere one week of ownership in it where an errant gallon of orange juice exploded behind my seat on the floor--leaving the carpet sort of citrus-y and crispy ever since...my first out-of-state driving trip going solo to see my then-boyfriend in Connecticut despite my mother's objections...denting it a mere two months of ownership with a hitch from a Mack truck and being co-conspirers with my mother to hide the damage from my Dad until the bumper could be fixed...showing it off at college (when the Focus was a brand new model--hopefully to revitalize the Ford brand)...going to college back and forth moving out of multiple dorm rooms...moving into summer apartments and to/from my Nonni's place...digging it out of 6 feet of snow the Winter of 2003 with F&M grounds running a bobcat...going to summer classes and work in West Chester.

Driving back and forth over summers 2002 and 2003 to see Keith in Lancaster. Driving it up spring break March 2003 to Boston to see the town I would call home that I had never seen before. Getting the title and the car fully paid off right after college graduation. Driving it back and forth for family visits and holidays, back and forth for wedding planning, cramming myself into the front passengers seat in a wedding gown on my wedding day, going home with all our wedding loot piled in and my wedding gown and bouquet on top, road trips, weekend weddings, moving to and from new apartments, going to job interviews, crazy Boston driving and New England sightseeing, the ever-constant Costco runs, and now, it'll be gone...and I can't wrap my brain around it really.

When I got the bright idea to sell the car, I didn't consider how I was selling a piece of my history that has carried me through so many milestones. I didn't consider how many of my best memories, even those that seemed unimportant and not poignant, are attached to the car. And so, a little bit of my heart is breaking even though I keep logically telling myself to get real. "It's just a car!" I tell myself. I feel like a mental case inside.

Sure, I could pull out and not sell the car, but that would be stupid at best. The car is in excellent condition, 7 years old with 75,000 miles. Its going to a family who will have this car as their very first. The mom doesn't even have a driver's license. The son in the family is commuting back and forth to Bentley College. So the car will lead a second life taking someone to college, on dates, on adventures, provided its well cared for. When they saw it Tuesday night and exclaimed over it how well it looked for the price we want, I almost thought that I should say--"I changed my mind," throw Keith in, jump in, and drive off.

Everyone else as been shady who messages me. I'm getting every single wacko in the world e-mailing me with messages like:

"I see car and want car. I but need car right now this week. I pay cash." After a few of these e-mails with shady bits about wanting my address, and paying cash (who carries 5K around?) and needing it this second I had to wonder if my car would be used to smuggle bodies or drugs or something after Keith and I were held up at gunpoint for the car. While I never considered it at the time, I know that not just "anyone" was going to take MY car. It had to go to someone that would take care of it like I did, preferably a college student again.

Ironically, in my advice column reading which is a regular habit of the day, some readers recently have been writing into to talk about memories with their cars. I thought they were all crazies as they talked lovingly about their old jalopies. I guess I'm nuts too.

There will be other cars--the car that Keith and I buy as a married couple, the car that brings our babies home from the hospital, the car that takes them to day care, soccer practice, play dates, family vacations...the car that drives them to college eventually. I'll probably feel little pangs as I sell those as well because I'm a nut like that. Its just a little too much and more than ironic that I will lose my first real car and my first home all in the matter of months.

Labels: car, Focus, Labor Day, memories, milestones, shady people, Zipcar

Thank you so much, sir, for having the guts to seek a perspective beyond what you see on TV.

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/city_region/breaking_news/2007/08/after_11000_mil.html

Labels: adventure, american, culture learning, dutch, stereotypes

Yes. I am referring to our cats at "our children." Yes. Laugh as you will...

In any regard, we celebrated today the birthday of our two pets, Ghost & Goblin. They are cats and they are adorable.


Celebrating basically entailed the following:

Labels: cat, Ghost, Goblin, happy birthday, kitty

This blog is fast turning into the "Alyssa Show." Its a little late to be blogging about the previous weekend the following Thursday, but I was hoping my husband would have time to share his wisdom and perspective on the blog before I wrote another consecutive entry. There is no sign of his schedule letting up, therefore, I am electing to write again before I completely forget the little nuances and details of what I want to write.

My mind is firmly entrenched in the autumn right now even if my body happens to be stuck in the sweltering, humid final days of August. I have a headache right now at work because I just spent 30 minutes trying to unclog our Canon copier because *somebody* keeps loading it with bonded paper which always has and always will jam the entire machine. With my head pounding, I am sitting here, writing this, and wishing I was back home in bed with my two cats for company. I feel like laying around today.

I dread the fact that I am sitting her spewing about eagerly anticipating the autumn when chances are I will suddenly recall in the midst of a January chill that I squandered the last days of summer longing for a more temperate season. There's something said for being in the moment or "loving the one you're with." I'm not doing such a hot job with that right now.

With no vacation to go on now, little in the way of big plans, my mind is definitely more set towards better things, better home, better occupational duties, more of this and that, blah blah blah, children eventually. Perhaps if I keep myself busier or try to keep my head cooler, I'll feel less like my brain is short circuiting. Its always a great aspect of myself that I'm always onto new and better things to always be looking for the next project or next item to scratch off on my to-do list, but I don't think contentment in the now is ever going to happen for me.

After blowing off some steam, I should talk about the fun things that occured this past weekend. Mid-day Saturday Keith and I left our apartment (which if it was a person, and not a place would have been feeling *shocked* at being completely picked up and polished for the first time in months) to meet up my mother, my youngest brother, and my mom's boyfriend to go whale watching in Boston Harbor. We saw quite a few whales with a male whale Aporn being quite the show off. The day was absolutely gorgeous with azure skies, warm but not humid, and breezy. It was the first nice summer weather we'd seen in weeks.

We caught dinner at Legal Sea Food in the Harbor area and then parted so we could take Jimmy out pub crawling. That was fun, but we only made it to two bars before the menfolk petered out at 1:30 am. We got up the next morning with Dave and Mom meeting us at our apartment so we could head out to a celebratory brunch that Keith and I treated the group to for Mom getting her new job! I showed them around Harvard, took them back to our place, where we watched old family movies and laughed our butts off at mostly my young antics.

Then, Keith, Jimmy, I, and two friends who bought tickets with us went to the New England Revolution MLS game who was playing the LA Galaxy--now the home team of David Beckham! Of course, if you've read much about this game you know that Beckham sat on the sidelines the entire time while while NE Revolution won the game. The crowds occasionally rang with the chant "Overpaid, Overpaid, Overpaid" and booing rang out when the jumbotron showed Becks sipping his Gatorade on the slidelines. Here's a news story.

Regardless, it was a fun game, something that I think more NE residents should go to because the games are a ton of fun especially watching the crazy die-hard fans in "The Fort" or the fireworks going off when there's a goal, or the minutemen militas stationed at either side of the field with muskets and yellow cards and red cards when appropriate. We had great seats for $34 a pop at half field, 11 rows up. They also have very reasonable family packages.

It was back to work at Monday and this week has had its fast moments and its slower moments. This weekend will be quiet which is good, but hopefully Keith and I will do some fun things. As always when looking towards the future, the weekend is a good thing to be focused on.

Labels: august, Boston, happy birthday, holidays, Jimmy, ocean, revolution, sea, soccer, summer, whales

Some people really despise or fear change, but I don't think I am one of them. I've always gloried in new sites, sounds, jobs, homes, experiences (for the most part--there are always exceptions like eating lard spread on your bread in Germany or bungee jumping). I'm a pretty adaptable person, overall. I like taking on new tasks because I feel like I'm earning another merit badge on my imaginary "Life Scout" sash that only I can see. I find meaning in life by maximizing the number of experiences (some ultimately positive, others negative) I have throughout my time on Earth.

In early adulthood, big changes are pretty much inevitable because life is fluid and flexible and its often the first opportunity one gets to make decisions without someone guiding you. Life can get scary because there are so many decisions to make off the bat and its easy to become bogged down with thoughts, indecisive, and mentally paralyzed that *this* decision...this *one little decision* can translate into bigger consequences down the road. I strongly believe that the tiniest, most seemingly inconsequential decisions we make, often unconsciously translate into the most meaningful and educational experiences in our lives. Thinking back, some of those little moments for me included:

• Baking blueberry muffins as a little kid with my father's mother
• Taking discarded pastels, markers, and crayons to draw during summers
• Approaching a stern looking teacher as an awkward high school freshman to join a school club
• Listening one October morning to a homeroom announcement my junior year of high school
• Deciding randomly to input info into a computer program to look for colleges
• Not biting the head off a guy who tapped me on the shoulder after an art class my freshman year of college
• Having the guts to ask out a guy who I thought was a little odd and completely unlike me

Respectively, these seemingly small decisions:

• Instilled a love of hospitality that flourishes to this day
• Nourished a love of aesthetic and sense of creativity
• Instilled confidence and pride of work, made important friendships, learned a lot about the characteristics I value and what I don't
• Opened the door to a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I cherish still very much, instilled a new sense of confidence in my ability to start life anew, tested existing beliefs
• Pointed me directly to where I should go to grow intellectually, make important friendships, fine tune and formulate life experiences thus far, provide space to critically think and finish growing, provide safe place for doubts
• Eventually led me to meeting my future husband, make important friendships that taught me the value of sticking to my beliefs, even when its tough
• Gave me the greatest love a wife could ask for

However, as time goes on and the needed decisions get made, the outcome is a set way of being with real and mental limits following thereafter. Nothing's impossible, but one can encounter many obstacles that are difficult to overcome both physically and/or mentally. For example, once you buy a house and have kids, its hard to say--"Hey, let's move to Japan for a year!" or when you're a retired couple in your golden years to say "Hey, let's do the Running of the Bulls in Pamploma!" It can be done, but generally considering the risks and the strenuous efforts it takes makes most people quickly abandon their ideas or flights of fancy.

Individuals who show more tenacity usually end up in some human interest news story as if they are strange anomalies ("Family quits jobs, school, and sells house to travel world for a year" or "94 year old woman earns master's degree"). If the more persistent person doesn't abandon a dream/idea/plan, surely those around him will convince him that its "silly" or "unecessary" or that its not "rational" or "responsible" or "sensible." Not that that's a bad thing--considering the ideas some men in a mid-life crisis frequently come up with--but, with time there are more limitations and additional considerations. I think that's a part of why many people find aging difficult--they miss the freedom or the opportunities they didn't pursue that are now much more unlikely. Only some of it is regained by empty-nesters and more so with retirees (provided they've planned ahead).

Not that getting older and set up and established is completely void of value. Habits and routines facilitate comfort, security, and dependability. One is usually able to use the resources around to maximum efficiency and effectiveness. You begin to see and experience little things that someone passing through might not truly appreciate (of course, the opposite is true that many do not appreciate what they always have). Upon marriage, its comforting to know that you have someone always right next to you, your teammate and greatest fan---of course, provided that one has correctly judged the character of her spouse. Its great to see the fruits of your work--the career you've developed, the home you've built, your children in front of you--who especially thrive best on a dependable set of parents and a secure home.

So no, I don't fear changes--I tend to thrive on them. Someday I'll decide for more security and a set plan, but until then, I'll enjoy the flexibility that life affords me and keep my eyes peeled for opportunities that might lead to a new adventure. But some days, I think about the greater trappings of adulthood critically and envy those who seem so much more assured of what they are doing for the next 10 years. Moments later, I think about what dreams or ideas that would require giving up and quickly resort back to me old, happy-go-lucky, change-loving self.

What I do fear, however, is loss. In the next few months I will permanently lose the setting of my childhood home as my mom has accepted a job in Eastern Pennsylvania and decided to head back to the side of the state from whence she came. It makes a lot of sense for her and something that's been planned and mentally anticipated for some time. But now that its happening, its a little hard to believe.

Some people would call that a change, a pretty minor one since its just a change of address, but its not--and here's why...

For someone that tends to like new experiences for the moment, the biggest curse is being sentimental with a good memory. I tend to attach myself to memories, photos, films, and places. I enjoy the past very much as I make plans for the future. But since my parents have now been divorced for 2.5 years, I can't plan for future Christmases in a new home as an intact family with my brothers and my husband, eventually my kids, and eventually their wives and kids. This isn't a new thought, but I have always been able to head back to where I've lived since 8 months of life to age 17 and at least remember times as a family. I can still do that, but of course, things won't be the same. I'll never be able to show my kids where I grew up and I'll never see them toddling around the places I used to well, toddle. It certainly isn't that rare of a situation, and I'm a big girl, so I'll be fine ultimately--but...well, it'll take a little longer than usual to wrap my head around it.

What is a bit of sadness for me is a great opportunity for change for my mother. New place, new town, new sites, some old sites, some more closeness to family and some friends with a new job. Here's hoping it goes well, Mom!