My personal Revolutionary Road
Keith and I recently decided to cut back on our cable package, because the combined package we had for phone, internet, and cable seemed kind of exorbitant given that most of the free movies are ones we own and the rest is kind of crappy. And we only watch 3 shows, all of which are now on Hulu. So, we joined Netflix instead.
We've compromised on a system that means that we each have a movie choice out at the same time. My first choice was Revolutionary Road, a 2008 film based upon the book of the same name by author Richard Yates. I'd seen the previews, it looked good, and since it was set in the 50's (I've never read the book) and the dialog seemed to indicate that it was probably a tale about the perils of conformity.
And indeed, a cautionary tale, it was.
My first thought is/was: thank goodness for birth control that works and legalized abortion. That's the thing that always amazes me about pro-lifers---they are 99% of the time against sex education that incorporates information about birth control ranging from 80-99.9% effectiveness against unwanted pregnancy AND they seem to have developed selective amnesia regarding the realities of what actually happened when women were forced into back alleyways, to pull out the knitting needles, or to try and fashion a coat hanger to do the job themselves. Abortions will happen as they happened since the start of human existence. My point has always been that the human woman is most CERTAINLY A LIFE and hers is just as worth saving, if not more so, than a non-viable fetus. The loss of sister, wife, mother, daughter, student, and friend is palpable in a way that the unborn is most certainly not, wanted or unwanted. That's one of the reasons I always find pro-lifers suspicious at best---they talk oodles about "the baby" leaving most women, women who are often in a major lurch and sometimes dealing with other trama, feeling like dog food. And then, once the baby is born, they are the same people who vote down Head Start, expanded maternity leave, and family assistance programs.
Anyway, the blog is not about the abortion debate--I personally think that nothing I say is going to sway anyone. This blog is about the perils of conformity.
Watching the movie was certainly interesting timing in that as I've come back from my trip and shared my goal to move abroad, and set a definite date (after Sept. 2013), the reactions from family and some co-workers have been not often too unsimiliar to what Frank & April experienced in the movies. I get lots of loaded questions and certainly the impression of defensive souls believing that I am judging the life plans of what most people have done and do, and finding the usual life plan lacking.
As indeed I am. I am finding it wanting...for me, and me alone.
But the film struck at some deep-seated worries, not giving me any doubt that I have about my own plans, but perhaps my husband's plans. Moving abroad was certainly not a topic broached in front of the pastor that was to marry us during Summer 2005. I did not come with a warning label that says: "The one's a bohemian wanderer." On the other hand, it was pretty implicit that I had given up the whole possible State Department career for love and a move to Beantown instead, and anyone who talks to me for more than...say, 10 minutes, would quickly discover my enthusasism for foreign culture. Certainly it isn't news to Keith.
Money is the excuse we gave ourselves in 2007. But as the film states explicitly at one point, not following your dreams is rarely about money (or the lack thereof). Not pursuing your dreams is more a statement of one's own fear of failure. And I guess that's where I come to the guts of it. I don't fear failure at all. I fear reaching the twilight years of my life and finding out I never tried. That's what really keeps me up at night.
And then there are the voices, physically from people or existing only in my mind, of "be grateful for what you have and have seen," or "what about how your kids will feel?" I barely can contain my annoyance when actual humans direct the latter question to me because I see it for what it is--an attempt to guilt me into conformity. After all, its not like I had any say about growing up in Bumblebutt, PA--when certainly from an early age onward I would have loved to grow up anywhere but in a small rural community. Why don't people worry about NOT having enough variation or challenges to form growing minds? Where do norms come from and why is staying in one spot or one country considered optimal? I've tried to wrap my brain around it and can't come up with anything. I certainly don't think a life that moves kids every year or two is good...certainly there needs to be some consistency.
As for the former question, its really kind of insulting in a way. It nearly explicitly tells me not to expect any more from myself. And it assumes that people have what they have because its what they want, when it is likely that others may have chosen differently for themselves too.
The thing is, dreams are something you have to work for. Constantly strive for. Go with the flow, and you will go where the flow takes you--no more. And that's pretty much where everyone else's going. Because its much, much easier.
We've compromised on a system that means that we each have a movie choice out at the same time. My first choice was Revolutionary Road, a 2008 film based upon the book of the same name by author Richard Yates. I'd seen the previews, it looked good, and since it was set in the 50's (I've never read the book) and the dialog seemed to indicate that it was probably a tale about the perils of conformity.
And indeed, a cautionary tale, it was.
My first thought is/was: thank goodness for birth control that works and legalized abortion. That's the thing that always amazes me about pro-lifers---they are 99% of the time against sex education that incorporates information about birth control ranging from 80-99.9% effectiveness against unwanted pregnancy AND they seem to have developed selective amnesia regarding the realities of what actually happened when women were forced into back alleyways, to pull out the knitting needles, or to try and fashion a coat hanger to do the job themselves. Abortions will happen as they happened since the start of human existence. My point has always been that the human woman is most CERTAINLY A LIFE and hers is just as worth saving, if not more so, than a non-viable fetus. The loss of sister, wife, mother, daughter, student, and friend is palpable in a way that the unborn is most certainly not, wanted or unwanted. That's one of the reasons I always find pro-lifers suspicious at best---they talk oodles about "the baby" leaving most women, women who are often in a major lurch and sometimes dealing with other trama, feeling like dog food. And then, once the baby is born, they are the same people who vote down Head Start, expanded maternity leave, and family assistance programs.
Anyway, the blog is not about the abortion debate--I personally think that nothing I say is going to sway anyone. This blog is about the perils of conformity.
Watching the movie was certainly interesting timing in that as I've come back from my trip and shared my goal to move abroad, and set a definite date (after Sept. 2013), the reactions from family and some co-workers have been not often too unsimiliar to what Frank & April experienced in the movies. I get lots of loaded questions and certainly the impression of defensive souls believing that I am judging the life plans of what most people have done and do, and finding the usual life plan lacking.
As indeed I am. I am finding it wanting...for me, and me alone.
But the film struck at some deep-seated worries, not giving me any doubt that I have about my own plans, but perhaps my husband's plans. Moving abroad was certainly not a topic broached in front of the pastor that was to marry us during Summer 2005. I did not come with a warning label that says: "The one's a bohemian wanderer." On the other hand, it was pretty implicit that I had given up the whole possible State Department career for love and a move to Beantown instead, and anyone who talks to me for more than...say, 10 minutes, would quickly discover my enthusasism for foreign culture. Certainly it isn't news to Keith.
Money is the excuse we gave ourselves in 2007. But as the film states explicitly at one point, not following your dreams is rarely about money (or the lack thereof). Not pursuing your dreams is more a statement of one's own fear of failure. And I guess that's where I come to the guts of it. I don't fear failure at all. I fear reaching the twilight years of my life and finding out I never tried. That's what really keeps me up at night.
And then there are the voices, physically from people or existing only in my mind, of "be grateful for what you have and have seen," or "what about how your kids will feel?" I barely can contain my annoyance when actual humans direct the latter question to me because I see it for what it is--an attempt to guilt me into conformity. After all, its not like I had any say about growing up in Bumblebutt, PA--when certainly from an early age onward I would have loved to grow up anywhere but in a small rural community. Why don't people worry about NOT having enough variation or challenges to form growing minds? Where do norms come from and why is staying in one spot or one country considered optimal? I've tried to wrap my brain around it and can't come up with anything. I certainly don't think a life that moves kids every year or two is good...certainly there needs to be some consistency.
As for the former question, its really kind of insulting in a way. It nearly explicitly tells me not to expect any more from myself. And it assumes that people have what they have because its what they want, when it is likely that others may have chosen differently for themselves too.
The thing is, dreams are something you have to work for. Constantly strive for. Go with the flow, and you will go where the flow takes you--no more. And that's pretty much where everyone else's going. Because its much, much easier.
Labels: conformity, dreams, future, goals, illusion, myth, success
posted by Alyssa at 1:38 PM
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