In the US, the unofficial start of the summer is Memorial Day, at May's end, and ends Labor Day weekend, in the start of September. That means since it is halfway through July, summer is halfway over, in some respects.

I think most Bostonians would say that the summer this year has sucked, at least weatherwise. Keith and I couldn't have chosen a better month to leave town. It rained for something like 22 days straight in June 2009 and was the rainest June since 1903. So, I don't feel so bad that it rained the entire time in England and France. At least I wasn't in Boston.

The trip was fun. It was certainly long (24 days) by American standards...too long to go into a detailed, day by day play of events. If you want that, I can always do a slide show in my living room and offer you some bundt cake (just kidding).

I'm also not going to waste too much time updating life from January to now. Suffice it to say, it went something like, packed up life (again), moved (again) into newly-bought apartment, got to know neighborhood, got a beautiful Boston Terrier puppy, got a new routine, painted a lot, got my real estate license, and then, packed up for a long vacation.

We needed it. I had never been so burnt out in my entire life.

The trip had its highlights. We got to see Dan and Mandy as they adjust to life in the Netherlands. They seem like they are getting into a routine, and that's good. Routines are always good when moving abroad. Sometimes that's the only thing that keeps you going. You can hear more about that on Mandy's blog here: http://singlestitch.wordpress.com/2009/06/23/a-visit-to-cologne-with-friends/

Then it was off to Amsterdam (which we loved), Copenhagen (less loved, probably our least favorite location the entire trip), and then Sweden. Yes, Sweden.

Dan and Mandy took me up on an offer to follow us and experience a real Swedish Midsommar. And did they! Mandy experienced a little too much of the schnapps, but that's understandable for a rookie. I think they had fun for the most part. They blogged about that as well: http://singlestitch.wordpress.com/2009/06/26/midsummer-celebrations-in-sweden/

I had an opportunity, after Dan and Mandy went back to Maastricht, and some other family visitors (Kerstin's sister, mother) went on their way that I was able to have a heart-to-heart chat with my host parents and sort of illuminate what was going on in my mind so many years ago. I really am glad I kept that journal...because it has provided some really valuable clarity for myself.

Leaving Sweden always tugs on the heartstrings a bit, but this time, it was particularly painful. I admit the first time I left, after the initial exchange it was really hard--as in, it took me the better part of a year to recover. The second time I visited (June 2000) I had a sort of inner-peace with myself and my first experience that I was okay going home, and it sort of ended my reverse culture shock at that point. I was finally able to move on with my life in the States. The third time I was psyched to go home. I didn't know when I'd be back, but I really wanted to get home to my boyfriend (now husband).

Coming back in 2007 was hard, but I think in the passing weeks I got back into a routine. I do recall being in a funk for maybe a month or so. That's when I had the bright idea to move back for awhile. I really still liked Boston though and knew moving to Sweden to be a logistical nightmare in terms of finding an apartment, getting a job, etc. So, between then and early 2009, we saved and bought our first home, hoping we buy at a good rate and thinking we can either go abroad when we sell, or just buy a bigger Boston place.

But now, I don't care if we can't sell in late 2013. Hell, I'll rent our place. I just want to go. Period. Maybe I feel it more acutely since the Potters left because I would love to be in their shoes myself. Certainly there are less friends to act as a distraction here. People are busy with their own lives---they have kids or volunteer commitments. We're busy too, but, something intangible has shifted and I find myself rather homesick for Sweden all the time. For now, I'm just going to have to suck it up and hope it passes. And hope that the next 4 years go by verrry quickly.

Labels: burn out, Maastricht, re-entry shock, summer, Sweden, vacation, weather

I admit, I've gotten away from blogging. Why? Well, I discovered Twitter a few months ago, and got quickly addicted to it, but since our 24 day vacation in Europe, I admit I've fallen off that wagon too. The paradox was that it was probably a great time to micro-blog, but far too rich for my blood, even with an international roaming package.

Too much of blogging (in general) is what I did today, and with who, yadda, yadda, yadda. I want to get away from that. Yes, good topics result out of the everyday and the mundane, but the fact is, its better generally to just write about, I don't know, ideas....

Hence, I find myself inspired after reading another "friend's" unwitting blog post. Whether the quotations get removed from around friend at some point, remains to be seen according to her actions from here on out.

An idea I'd like to discuss today are the pitfalls of blogging. Or blogging used unwisely. I'm all for having a forum to voice your feelings, but I think we should generally draw a line when it comes to insulting your so-called friends on the internet. And generally, its just dumb to do so when there's even the slightest chance they'll get to read about it.

Like today. Today, I missed Sweden. Let's be honest--everyday I miss Sweden. Some days I just march through life, but other days, like today--I have a little more brain space on hand to think a little. I really hope Keith and I can get it together financially and job wise to move to Sweden in a few years. I think it would be a great adventure for us and our family--but that's a topic for another day.

I was really missing Sweden and reading through old e-mails. While I love the country, its actually the people I miss the most. I have good friends there, particularly my first host parents, who mean a great deal to me personally. While my Swedish parents they have not been an ever-present group of friends, they are friends none the less, and friends who have seen me through some challenging times.

The fact that I really come back for the people in Sweden made reading this excerpt from a "friend's" blog all the more painful:

Igår kväll mötte vi 2 jobbiga amerikaner och åt middag med dom på Mälarpaviljongen på Kungsholmen. Dom snackade så klart i ett om oväsentliga grejer. Efter några timmar fick Jeppen och jag nästan exem i öronen och det var äntligen tur att bryta upp. Vi gick vidare och tog några glas på Pontonen.

Don't speak Swedish? Alyssa's here to translate (literally)!!! (Since Swedish words can also mean synonyms, I have added these where appropriate--you can see the meaning is the really the same and there's no mistaken understanding on my part.)

Yesterday evening we met 2 tedious (or trying) Americans and ate dinner with them at the Mälarpaviljongen on Kungsholmen. They chatted (talked, gossiped) so much and about unessential things. After a few hours Jesper and I got nearly practically (or almost) an ear exam and then it was finally time to break up. We went further and had a few drinks at Pontonen.

I am certainly not going to tell you that we didn't do most of the talking. Admittedly, Keith and I are, like the common American stereotype--talkers. But, I must confess we were at a loss on how to fill the time. Yes, that is another cultural difference between us and the Swedes---Americans don't do the whole companionable silence thing with others, at least not unless you're married to them. That I knew. I also nudged Keith a few times to lower the volume of his voice a little but there's only so much you can do after a few beers and him. I'm all for companionable silence, I miss it when I'm back Stateside, on the other hand, it seems a little odd to not see friends for 2 years and then sit and just sip beers together. So I figured the time was to catch up.

The fact is, I talk to most of my Swedish friends maybe once or twice a year. This friend was no exception. There was a lot to cover...namely, Keith had a new job, we bought our first apartment, we got a dog, my father had an amputation, my mom got remarried, we plan on starting our family this fall. I recognize this isn't as exciting as bungee-jumping off a cliff or starting your own spy agency, or whatever, but its our life and what we had to discuss at the table. And we did, a few times, ask them to talk about themselves because we were genuinely interested and wanted them to fill the space a little. This they did somewhat, but only after we said "Hey, enough about us, how about you?"

Another point of contention (although it wasn't stated) might have been my speaking English almost entirely that evening. My Swedish, is actually quite good. I don't call it fluent, but mostly I think that's because I'm used to having more words to work with in English. Words like "two-faced" which apparently don't exist in Swedish ("insincere" or "false" is as close as they have, and those words lack a certain oomph in English). Either that, or I need a better Swedish dictionary.

While I love traveling with my husband, and its fun to see things with him, I do miss the fact that I feel I must speak English more so he isn't just sitting there while I ignore him. That was only part excuse in this case though. The restaurant, while lovely, was crowded and loud, with music in the background as well. Fun, but, I find it very difficult to concentrate in this environment especially when I'm trying to also be somewhat entertaining and make sure Keith isn't left out. It seems whenever I get together with people there the usual venue selected is a club, or loud restaurant. Admittedly too, we're the only people I know that are married, and we've sort of moved past the clubbing state of existence...so its not the top place we'd pick either. But where friends are, we'll go, and we have a good time.

So, needless to say I'm disappointed. Disappointed to be a bore and/or having a boring life in my friend's eyes. Disappointed my friend chose to talk smack about me online rather than speak to me directly. I want to be understanding, but this friend has lived in the US, for a year, and she should very well know its not personal, understanding that Keith hasn't had the living experience in Sweden I had, and by using a little imagination she might have figured out why there was so much blather. And she might recall that we tried to draw her out too. Keith is particularly crushed because he really thought my friend was a cool chick. Now he's seeing a different side and isn't so sure about meeting up with her again.

Typically when I go on these trips my host family has a nice farewell dinner our last night in Sweden, which we did Friday night instead of Saturday...but it wasn't the same! I know that seems childish. Had I known that the content of our lives was just going to be like ear-fucking for these people, I would have stayed in Eskilstuna or Mälarbaden and been just fine with that. I could have gotten some kebab which I missed doing, yet again, gone on a walk in the woods. Oh, well, there is the next trip, I suppose. And beyond that, it looks like I will have one less friend to chase down to visit on my next vacation unless a sincere apology is headed our way.

The moral of the story folks? Watch what you blog about, even from the other side of the world, in another language. Its a very, very small world.

Meanwhile, I've taken the time to write a thoughtful apology in Swedish and post it to the comments section of the offending entry. Hopefully it will put her on a little notice, but also minimally defend myself against the accusation of tediousness. After all, I agree good conversation is a two-way street, not a never-ending monologue, but there's also only so much teeth pulling one can do...

Labels: apology, blogging, friends, Stockholm, Sweden, Swedish, vacation