Alyssa & Keith | Blog

In retrospect

2009-01-21T21:53:00.001-05:00

Based upon my last entry, someone might say that I’m reading my journal from 1998-99 because I’m nostalgic for past travels and adventures. But they’d only be partially right.

In actuality, when I finished my journal (well, not actually finished…I missed putting the last few weeks in, not to mention my round-Europe trip). I promised myself that in 10 years time I’d go back and read the journals—once I had a little time and distance between all the events and emotions of that year to see what I thought. It is amazing how fast time has passed and how much I have changed along with those who were a part of my life at age 17-18.

I am now married, 28, living in a major city, have a bachelors and a master’s degree. Buying my first home and thinking about starting a family. My parents have divorced for over 4 years. My brothers are both out of schooling (Jimmy nearly). Mom has moved to another town too. My best friend is married and living in her home. Of the exchange students I keep up with, one is married with a daughter. Another is still single. Of old high school friends of whom I write, one is married with a son, another is engaged. Others have been long lost to time and distance.

Some are absent from the pages, most notably my husband. In reading my old journal, I found it difficult to think back to a time where I didn’t even know he existed. In fact, none of the people who are the greatest part of my life in Boston existed to me yet.

The attitudes, words, and situations described within the pages of the journal have left me astonished. I’ve been devouring the pages vociferously over a two-day period and I’ve read the entirety of two composition notebooks. I see so many other but also similar angles to myself, things I write that are dead-wrong and incredibly immature or naive, but also things that are rather shocking (well, to me) and insightful. Moments and words exchanged, once long forgotten, have re-surfaced. Sometimes I catch myself laughing, other times I’m crying with tears that never seem to end because I really feel for the girl who is really struggling to survive. I see where I did right by myself, what I cheated myself out of, and I also see where I was truly let down by others. I’m impressed by the burden I carried at times. I don’t know that I could have handled it at age 28 any better or at all.

On the other hand, I read cards from relatives and friends and read my conversations with some friends I made that year, and I see how much people truly cared about me---although I didn’t fully appreciate it at the time. I am eternally grateful to my best friend and my grandparents who wrote cards and letters that really made me realize how truly loved I was. I also see in the photos and compliments paid to me on the pages that I was, even in my own current opinion, once truly pretty on the outside---in fact, often stunning. I’m angry with myself for not appreciating it then and being so hard on myself for my appearance. Some of that, however, isn’t my fault either. And additionally, I’m angry that I haven’t taken care of myself the way I ought to the last 10 years.

I still have the third and final composition note book to read and am thinking about what I want to do from there. I see patterns in myself that I’d like to think further on, parenting mistakes made that I’d rather avoid as I see the confusion and hurt they caused me as I tried to live up to impossible standards with very little information. I see how growing up in a small town with limited viewpoints really hindered me up until that point…this validates the choice I’ve made to live in Boston.

So where I go from here, I’m not sure. Perhaps writing it into something more coherent, but I worry about self-censorship. I see the uncomfortable, the bad, the ugly; the uplifting…it would be hard to organize the ramblings of an 18-year-old adolescent. On the other hand, it’s probably worth a shot.

Minimally, even though keeping the journal was a lot of work—it was totally worth it. I’m so glad I did it. After I finish reading, Keith will have his turn. I don’t intend to show the books to anyone else.

A shift for the...

2009-01-19T16:22:00.009-05:00

Again, I have not been dutiful in keeping up with my blog. Its really something I should keep up with, not so much for those who may read it, but rather as a way that I can process events and thoughts as they occur. However, in the last few months life again has been so busy, I haven't been able to grant myself the luxury of simply sitting down and writing.

As a new year begins, my most worthwhile intention is probably the one I have to sit down and simply give myself the opportunity to really recollect events and further probe my emotions, reactions, and ideas. This all, of course, in addition to the perennial favorite resolution--to lose weight or simply be physically healthier. In looking back, I did a fairly good job, although not as good as I hoped to take the time to experience the city that I have made my home--my resolution for 2008. Losing weight, again, was a bust--hence its re-occurence in 2009.

Speaking of homes, it is satisfying to report that at long last, after a year of persistent looking, Keith and I found our first home. Having seen it just prior to Thanksgiving weekend, we submitted an offer around Keith's birthday (Dec. 1) and then had the offer accepted Dec. 7. After inspections and further back and forth negotiating, a Purchase & Sale Agreement was signed Dec. 23. Now we are waiting for Wells Fargo to officially and finally approve our mortgage and we will close on February 13, 2009. This is but 25 days away from today. We are still in a little bit of denial--we have not packed one box, nor secured movers (ideally this would happen after the mortgage is all official) but we will spend the next few weekends and evenings packing up our lives for the 5th time in 5 1/2 years and move. The good thing is that barring an amazing opportunity of gargantuan proportions, we plan to stay put for awhile.

And yet, with the milestone comes new concerns and thoughts. I'm delighted that we will no longer be nomads moving from apartment to apartment, yet, I am fully aware of the significance of what this purchase means. It is not just buying property, but rather also a shifting of our priorities and in some ways also a loss of freedom. In this real estate market particularly, no buyer could not help but be aware that once purchased, a home is not necessarily something easy to sell and divest of. A homeowner cannot just pick up and go and see where life takes them.

By doing this, Keith and I are becoming full-fledged adults. Not that we weren't adults before, but being renters allowed us more disposable income, savings, more free time, etc. I'm pre-mourning that a little, even while I celebrate the fact that I can do whatever I want to my interiors, own a dog, and hopefully also set ourselves on the path of building wealth. Even as we dine out or purchase entertainment, I'm aware that a tightening of the belt will make these excursions less frequent, if not non-existent starting out.

We also realize that we're taking the first step to build our family. After nearly 9 years knowing each other, 8 1/2 of that being a couple, and nearly 3 1/2 years of marriage it has dawned on us that we are quickly approaching yet another milestone as we approach our thirties.

I'm sure you can guess what I'm referring to.

As excited as I am to think of this, I confess some disquiet. NO friends about us seem to making the same moves towards family-building. In fact, several couples we are friends with have publicly declared their intent not to do so at all. Actually, we are the only people we know that plan on having kids...a shocking revelation because in the hometowns and families we grew up in, families were central and celebrated.

Lastly, a couple we see on a weekly to almost bi-weekly basis and have known since our freshman year at Franklin & Marshall could be said to be taking steps in the opposite direction. After finishing graduate school, they are headed to the Netherlands for further study and work for at least a 2 year period. Obviously they can do this--they aren't homeowners, and there are no children to consider uprooting. If we truly wanted the same thing and the same opportunities came along, I suppose we could too somehow. However, because it would involve so much further worry, preparation, and eventually will effect the well-being of persons other than just the two of us--I wonder if we'd be brave enough to take on the disruption and potential risks.

Now knowing me and my love of Europe (particularly Sweden, but I'd try anywhere really) I envy them and have jokingly said as much (although I'm sure they realize the truth lying behind my jests). But if I was going, I suspect that I might be just as dispirited at the idea of being a nomad yet again, except this time having the challenge of relocating my life not just to another apartment in the same city, but rather re-establishing myself in another culture far away. I would have been (knowing me) very disappointed to be delaying the start of family life for this adventure. Or would I? The fact is, I'll never know for sure if I will always think the grass is always greener elsewhere. Mostly, I push the hypothetical indecision I feel to the side. After all, Keith or I haven't been offered post-doctorates in Europe so there's no need to decide. A clarity in goals though would definitely make it easier to decide and encourage us to make the steps to look and pursue opportunities of adventure though. Instead, we've actually just added another weight to bind us to Boston. (Which is a fine place I'm happy to have landed in, don't get me wrong.)

The Alyssa of 10 years ago, the Alyssa who then was a high school student in Sweden in January of 1999, loving her time and eagerly anticipating college, would have scoffed at the apprehension I am now expressing here. It was easy enough then for me to basically fit the contents of my life into two suitcases. Now, its hard to get it all in a full moving truck. The accoutrement of a cozy married life almost now feel like shackles because I've gotten used to finer trappings than instant soups and plastic cutlery. Certainly adventures also require a modicum (or even a great deal) of sacrifice.

So I'm left asking myself--have I changed or have I simply wussed out? It is a question I ask that have no foolproof way of answering.

As I think forward to the days, perhaps another even 10 years, when I will stop waking up each day and worrying about my husband and I want, and instead having to put children as our top consideration, I ask myself, "How much my life will resemble the one I've carefully crafted in the years since moving here?" Further, I ask myself if my friends still be my friends, or will they have moved on since we will have become boring adults completely wrapped up in child-rearing with spit-up dribbled down our shirts.

For the pair I speak of who are moving abroad, they seem wholly unconcerned. They seem to think that they will do their thing...perhaps coming back to Boston, perhaps drifting elsewhere, or perhaps staying in Holland...but that regardless of what the future holds, we'll simply pick up where we left off when we see each other again.

I don't have in my heart to really break it to them how unlikely that is. Furthermore, the responsiblities we take on next month and in the coming years will make expensive travel a decided luxury if they choose not to return. We will change profoundly--I can feel it. And we will have no choice.

And likely, so will they as they learn a new culture.

Perhaps I'll be wrong, but I recall all too well from my experience how much I dramatically changed upon my return from living abroad. Friends and family barely recognized me personality-wise. The bubbly girl who left has never reappeared. People who were my best and closest friends beforehand completely disappared from my life, and much of it was MY doing, however not explicit or particularly deliberate.

Even if our friends return to Boston, a life-changing event will have happened for us...things will be quite different if there's an infant for us to consider and not a whole lot in common to discuss anymore. I have visions of them asking us about what video games we've played lately and we'll gaze at them with bleary, sleep-deprived eyes and tell them that we haven't seen our Wii since my third trimester...that sort of thing.

So, one of them, not knowing what items and preparations need to be completed prior to January 28th (the potential fly-out date) spent a great deal of time with us this weekend and at the end of events this evening, gave quick hugs and basically said "see ya later." Keith and I are sitting down quietly, wrapping up our weekend and taking a little time to relax (I am writing this blog) and we look at each other and just know its not that simple. I, from experience, and Keith from years of me telling funny anecdotes and pouring out my emotions on occasion that since July 1998, I changed absolutely and he never met that Alyssa.

Summer, moving, fall, and feet

2008-10-30T12:58:00.014-04:00

Wow....

A couple people (lately) mentioned to me that they had been reading my blog to catch up on my life. Considering I haven't written since APRIL I'm not sure there was much to catch up on in this blog, but I'm hoping that I'll be taking the time to at least write some thoughts down.

I tend to think best in terms of dates, so I'll try to start where I left off.

Our housing search continued in the late spring and summer as the housing market continued to crumble. Other homes came to our attention, and our area of searching further expanded to Milton, MA. Milton is an inner-ring suburb that is very diverse with excellent schools, all recently rebuilt in the last decade. An even bigger bonus is that its on the Red Line rail extension running between Ashmont Square and Mattapan Square. Which means a car free commute is a distinct possibility for us. However, we can get good schools, something that Boston public is sorely lacking at the moment. Keith and I are big believers in public education and we don't want to send or pay more parochial or private schooling.

Two homes presented themselves--one in Lower Mills, Dorchester just over the Neponset River from Milton, and one just over the Neponset from Dorchester, but after two looks we ruled them out for various reasons. Then, we went away in early July with my mom to Florida (only for a couple days sadly) and begin to seriously start thinking about apartment hunting. The market was still declining and buying something you don't like in a declining market makes ZERO sense. Florida was a fun distraction though for a few days.

There were some career developments in July. First, Keith found out that his hiring contract becoming permanent was going to be delayed (which ticked us off in ways you cannot imagine). Second, I had 6 interviews (yes, 6) for a possible promotion at HBS that went on endlessly.

Meanwhile, back on the housing front, we found a rundown (but not too rundown) house in Milton that we bid on in late July. Although we were financing (by pure coincidence) with the bank that OWNED the home and willing to close in 30 days, another buyer was chosen. Our mortgage brokers did their best to contact the REO department, but couldn't get in touch with anyone. The selling agent didn't want to take into account financing---after all, his commission is based upon sale price only.

Needless to say, we never heard back....and so we did have to find an apartment--one month away from the end of our lease.

So we found an apartment and are now living here: http://www.schoolhouseatlowermills.com/. We wanted to at least live in Lower Mills so we could be closer to the area we're looking and really try the commute out. So far, things have been going well and we like our apartment--although the bedrooms are a bit "cozy" we think.

We moved the last week in August after a yard sale where we sold off a ton of stuff. And found out upon moving that we should have sold a ton more stuff. We managed to unload a bit of it and hope to unload more gradually using Craig's List, etc.

Moving was a pain as a ton of our stuff got broken, even with hiring movers. One major casualty was a Åsa Brandt glass tray that was given from my Swedish host family as a wedding gift....Keith accidentally broke it. Unfortunately, it was a huge deal to me and its irreplaceable. So I'm trying to move on...*sniffle*

God, I hate moving. I'm not looking forward to moving again anytime soon.

However, now, I am convinced that God himself is watching us and its best we didn't buy. As you all know, the stock market started going berserk-o in September and I think the bottom is yet to come. We're keeping our eyes peeled, but, we're definitely in no rush--even if we continue to save and rent for a couple more years. My money is that the bottom (although this is subject to change depending on the incoming President) will occur between April and August 2009. We'll see if I'm right.

Back on the career front...In early August, I found out that I didn't get the promotion--not for any really good reason, but a whole lot of wishy washy ones (based upon the lack of straight talk I got). My faculty were dismayed---at least the ones who commented on it. Needless to say, I've moved on mentally, quit mentally, and am going to probably progress career-wise outside HBS. Ultimately, I'll be okay if I'm at HBS one more year--so I'm vested in my pension, but beyond that....bye, bye.

There is really a dearth of options now, and so I'm concentrating on other things.

Namely my feet. The end of August I went to a podiatrist because I always have painful walking and basically my option is surgery. I have toes that curl up (hammertoes or mallettoes, depending on the joint are the common name) and the joints have become rigid and permanently dislocated. Because my toes arch upwards, they get friction (blisters, etc.) on the tops of my feet. Then on the bottom, more blisters because a misalignment of the toes puts additional pressures on the tops of the ball of your feet. So, treatment is removal of the last joints in each toe, skewering the affected toes with pins, letting like that for 3 weeks, and then pulling the pins out. I lose mobility, but hey--I didn't have it before and its not really needed. The loss of mobility is a good thing because it means my toes will stay as they ought to--nice and straight.

I had the surgery on October 10th--and it really wasn't bad. The care at the hospital (Beth Israel Deaconess) was excellent, the doctor's been great, I took a week off with my foot up and on ice. I had anti-inflammatory drugs and Percoset when needed. Keith got me a video game and I played that, caught up on reading, caught up on movies.

All in all, the surgery was a good thing. Other than our foray into Florida in July and a week long trip to PA in August to see family (my great grandmother turned 90, my dad was preparing for major surgery at the end of the month, and my dad's parents celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary), I hadn't had time to really.....unwind and de-plug. Being forced into sitting or laying down and not able to clean up, do chores, see people, etc...was good for me.

By the end of my week though, I was a little zooey--full of cabin fever. So my other foot (my leftie) will be done on Dec. 19th, so I can minimize the amount of paid time off I have to use (what if I get the flu in February?) and basically do what I do at the end of December anyway---sit around. My family will be around that week to keep me company while I keep my leg up and on ice.

Back to career stuff--on Keith's end, his contract FINALLY ended September 2nd and he has been a full fledged employee ever since. So he's all set.

September 3 we celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary amidst moving boxes by watching our wedding DVD. Awwww....

Ghost and Goblin turned 4 (already!) on August 19th and celebrated 4 years with us on October 19th!

The rest of September after this can basically be summed up as follows: start of school year and unpacking.

October 3 I turned 28 years old. I felt and still feel....OLD. Especially compared to all the 18-22 year olds running around here. I truly and really feel for the first time I've arrived as an adult. We celebrated by going with our friends, the Potters, to Six Flags New England on Oct. 4th. We had a lot of fun...and I highly recommend the FLASH pass.

Lastly, in my family some major things have happened. My father had his right leg amputated in late August and is still struggling to recover and learn to walk again with a prosthetic. I haven't seen him since early August (he didn't want us coming down for the surgery) but call him every so often to see how he's doing. Keith's dad also found out in May that his cancer had returned---and in September, he concluded his radiation. He had prostate cancer about 10-12 years ago (Keith was a teenager) and thank god all the lymph nodes were removed down there then. His doctor diagnosed the cancer because he had elevated PSA's (normal for a man with a prostate, but not for a man without). Even scarier, he had elevated PSAs for 2 YEARS before anyone noticed. Needless to say, that was not easy for Keith. My mom sold my childhood home in June and it has since been taken over by an elderly couple with appalling taste. I'm happy to remember it as it was. Mom and her fiance (yes, now fiance) moved into their new home in June as well...just before our July trip.

So yes, so much has happened, and so much of these events I recount are told without little anecdotes that have occurred all along the way. I think the secret to good writing is certainly trying to bite off less so that entries are descriptive and more interesting, rather than a regurgitating of the past events of the last 6 months.

Lastly, we are no longer car-less. Moving to Lower Mills made us 2 miles away from the nearest Zipcar. We live next to a Shaw's, but...returning the car at night after a late evening in Dorchester isn't exactly wise. So, lucky for us Keith's parents decided they needed a 4-door car rather than the 2-door they had, and we have it! Its older (1996 Oldsmobile Cutless Supreme) but only 65K+ miles on it. And its free! So we don't have to sign up for car payments while we continue to try and save moolah. And we don't have to deal with Zipcar's ever more pitiful customer service (that's an anecdote I'll spare you from hearing).

Hopes and Dreams

2008-04-11T18:49:00.005-04:00

Dear Blog:

So, here I am, another nearly 3 months later between updates. Sorry! Its been busy...

Ok, ok...admittedly these last few weeks Keith and I didn't have to play so much Guitar Hero on the Wii. But its fun! Fun in a way that regurgitating the day's/week's/month's events never is, especially when work's just so hectic busy. Mostly, I don't want to think about any of that.

The biggest eater of my free time has been house hunting. Yes, house hunting. From the end of January to about Easter time much time was spent in a Zipcar on Saturdays and Sundays, clutching a hot caffeinated beverage and driving around various parts of Boston. Eastie, Southie, Dorchester...eating lunch at whatever random bar or fast food restaurant we run across.

I've learned a lot more about this City I call home. Even between all this madness I've found the time to attend two Bruins games, hit the St. Patty's Day parade, and this weekend I'm headed to the ICA--which is also a F&M alumni event.

Our house hunting was actually enough of a success that we bid on a home right before Easter--13 Bruce Street. It wasn't amazing or anything, but had some charming characteristics that I knew made it a great fit for us and for our eventual family. But alas, the current owners did not want to let it go for less than they owe on their mortgage. Which I understand, but I can't be expected to pay more than the home is worth--based upon the last 6 months in sales figures. And I refuse to get that emotional about any place, even if it has the potential to be my home. So we told them to keep our offer on file and perhaps we'll revisit it if the house still sits (likely) this summer. The house will be on the market for a year next month.

In the meantime, I haven't seen any places that dazzle me within our price range so we're taking a house hunting break. And that's a good thing. Of course, we also didn't predict a couple weeks ago that our lender would cancel the program we signed up for, and hence, our mortgage agreement. They wanted us to stick with them with a different program that asked us to put money down and we said "no thanks." It felt like a bait and switch. That being said, the lending industry is doing some crazy things....and houses could drop more. Do we get other lending (still more than possible--this time with a small lender) or do we get a month-to-month lease come September? Or, can we find a housesitting gig or rental with some duties and hence lower rent?

Let me see... *sits and scratches Goblin's head as she launches herself on my laptop"

I managed with Keith to lose about 10 lbs each since January. Sadly though we've hit that plateau a while back. Ok, okay...admittedly we haven't been exactly sticking to our Nutrisystem diet, but you eat food that tastes like cardboard for a month and then come talk to me...

Oh, and a guy got killed in our neighborhood two weekends ago. So if you're thinking we should stay in Allston, guess again. I can't stand living in this student slum anymore. Enough with the beer cups on my front lawn and my scummy landlord. Arggggh. We're outta here!

More later when I can type a coherent thought...a cute black kitty is calling.

Um, well, Happy New Year!

2008-01-29T11:57:00.000-05:00

So. I've really been sucking big time at this blog writing thing. And in fairness to me, I've really had no time that I'm not working madly at work, working madly at home, or piled into a heap on my living room couch with a brain made of mush.

So, allow me to re-cap November and December 2007, lay out my plans and goals for 2008, and bring everything up-to-date quickly.

November 2007:

Work-wise: Very busy. Start of recruitment, prepping for LPSF course in Winter 2008, and winding down for Leading Teams Fall 2007 (just finished the last week of October 2007).

Keith-wise: Ever so patient with my busy, stressed out self. Nuturing, sweet, kind. Working on a job search himself to get more $$$ and even more-so, a challenge at work.

Life-wise: Prepping for the holidays, buying Christmas gifts, etc.

Other notes: Thanksgiving good. Turkey tasty.

December 2007:

Work-wise: More busy. Still struggling to keep my head above a burgeoning pile of e-mails and to-dos, mostly because there's just so much to-do! Recruitment in full swing. LPSF on the horizon.

Keith-wise: He turned 27 on the 1st! I threw a holiday party/birthday combo that was almost a surprise. We had a good dinner just beforehand at Smith and Wollensky in the Back Bay. His job search continued with a lot of interviewing and compensatory overtime at his job to make up for those missed hours.

Life-wise: For a person who had all their Christmas shopping done by December 8th (gifts en route minimally) and had delivered 80% of her holiday shopping already gift wrapped to her parents-in-law on Thanksgiving Day, I was still WAY too busy. Started to dream about home-buying in 2008 and looking at places on the Internet. Liked the idea of Eastie a lot.

Other thoughts: Best times that month were dinner with Keith for his birthday and a day trip to Somerset County, Pennsylvania to talk about old times with my grandfather and learn about my family history.

Goals for 2008:

Lose 50 lbs. I've seriously am past the realm of disgust with myself. And it is beyond wanting to look good in a bathing-suit. I'm just not healthy with all the extra weight on me.
Buy a house. Enough throwing $1650 a month away on rent and subsidizing the financial situation of a scummy landlord.
Enjoy life in this city which I have not yet begun to scrape the surface of. I made it until Monday, January 21, 2008 without going to the MFA which is a 30 minute T ride away. And I'm a lifelong art lover. There's just no excuse for that.
Enjoy life with my husband. It gets much more hectic when babies are involved.

January 2008:

Work-wise: Even busier with LPSF and feeling well, definitely a challenge. Maybe not mentally, unless you count the fact that real estate in my brain is fast being depleted. Today is the last day of the last job candidate for the Unit. Whoooppeee!!!!

Keith-wise: Keithy's bringing home more bacon! He started a new job at the Federal Reserve on Monday (yesterday). Yay, Keithy!!!

Life-wise: Went to the Resolution Ball at the Westin Waterfront for New Year's Eve. Fun, but once was enough. (Don't get me started on the "non young-professionals" who were in attendance for a ball touted for "young professionals" and the jeans wearers who showed up to this black tie event.) Went to the MFA on 01/21/2008 although we only saw one wing of the place--need to go back, but at least we can say I've been there now. Went to a Bruins game on 01/24/2008, but only stayed periods 1 and 2. (We were tired. So sue us.) Started going to Open Houses where Keith is our fearless leader, whereas I am actually shy and do not like to barge into other people's houses. This month we like Dorchester (red-line Dorchester mind you).

Ran the initial numbers for our 2007 tax return and were very chagrined to find that instead of getting a refund we OWE the Feds. We made 10K less in 2006 (yes, only 10 K less) and got a 3K refund. Now we make 10K more and owe $500 despite our withholding being 0 for BOTH of us (meaning we don't even claim ourselves). And found out with Keith's new job we have to put aside another $360 a MONTH to not owe taxes next year. Everyone says we need a house and a baby. I say you need money for a house and a baby. Its a vicious cycle. It'd be really nice in the 21st century to know that my government doesn't consider who I married in my tax calculations. My income is not "pin" money, thank you very much. In Europe, people are individuals and taxed as such. I'm all about that. Especially since there are many rooming situations or long-term live-ins--why should I be penalized more because I happened to sanctify my allegiance to Keith in front of a minister? *grumble, grumble*

Regardless of where you fall on the political spectrum, I think everyone agrees the tax code needs to be simplified. I don't mind being screwed on this as long as other couples who aren't married also share in the tax burden as they are also saving on expenses.

October Highs and Lows

2007-10-29T13:36:00.001-04:00

The month has been a busy one, filled with non-stop travel back to Pennsylvania and/or volunteer commitments. Therefore, I am just getting the chance to type this entry in the last 20 minutes of my lunch hour.

I read an article a few days ago that talked about how many New Englanders feel that this year's as well as the most recent years autumnal display of color has been lacking. I've been hearing that a lot lately and have to agree. This year in particular, it seemed that only parts of trees lit up with their fire-y reds, brilliant oranges, and bright yellows, while other tree limbs and other entire trees seemed to from green to a faded brown, papery mustard, or dried burnt russet color. Having grown up in the southern Allegheny Mountains of Pennsylvania, I know something of leaf peeping--but even at home the leaves seemed to lack some of the former splendor I remember vividly from my childhood. Some of my favorite trees in my yard, more than three hundred years old, were felled during my college days due to disease and age, and so, perhaps its just that I'm missing my favorite red oak in our backyard.

Bedford County has been suffering a bad drought the last few years, this year being the worst--Boston's been luckier to have some late summer and early fall rains, but not much more than my hometown. When I was growing up, every summer night almost was filled with torrential thunderstorms on hot and humid summer days (and most of them were hot, sticky, and muggy) and most Indian summer nights. I used to sit in the bay window of the living room eating popcorn and watching Evitts Mountain to see the lightening striking at various points across the night sky.

The lackluster leaves seemed to be a parallel representation of my life this month which has had its brilliant sparkling bits, but was otherwise blase, sometimes decidedly frustrating in its discouragement. Sure, it started out nice enough with the chapters meeting in Lancaster for Franklin & Marshall on Sept. 29-30, and then my birthday, and then my trip to Bedford October 3-8. Regrettably, I found through that my stress levels in getting my work done betweens days off and a burdening workload, home errands run, packing and unpacking, the added expense of all these trips, and having exhaustion as my frequent companion overshadowed much of the enjoyment I typically feel in this favorite season of the year.

It was Tuesday last week sometime when I commuted home feeling utterly frustrated and near weeping, in the twilight (yet again, even though my day's supposed to end at 4 p.m.)--angry yet again that my plans to leave on time and reclaim some of my life had again been thwarted by a lack of planning and not seeing any way out of not having exhausted evenings for the next 5 months. It was windy and the skies were almost purplish owing to the late hour of the day and the hazy clouds that had blown in. The leaves on the broken sidewalks below me seemed to almost take on an otherworldly brilliance--the leaves became peach, mint, saffron, white, soft scarlet, and soft chartreuse---the dim light contrasting with the duller color of the leaves and making something very soft and beautiful. As the wind blew, and the glinting leaves rolled across and around my legs in cascades, I felt disappointed that in some odd way, I couldn't feel any pleasure in seeing these colors and watching the leaves flutter in the breeze--all I could think about was the stress I had leaving work that day and already dreading my return the following morning.

The contrast between now and October 23, 2006, when I began my work here at HBS is startling. While no where near the level of constant pressure and stress that came with working in BU Housing, I'm definitely feeling the time is ripe for transition. I have yet to have a job that leaves me feeling, well...intellectually fufilled. Perhaps my expectations of the "real world" are just too high coming out of a liberal arts college education topped off with a master's in education. I don't know. In meeting with Suzanne, a career development guide at HBS, she agrees that I'm way overqualified for what I do. I'm glad someone does. I can't help but worry that the concept of starting low, working hard, and being promoted at work is going the way of the dinosaur. My greatest fear is that by doing this work, which my faculty really appreciate, that I'll become pigeonholed and be seen as completely unable to step up for greater things--and I know I can! There must be more to work life.

Since then, I've thought about the leaves I saw around me on the broken sidewalks of Allston on that smoky Tuesday autumn night and their meaning--nearing darkness and dullness inadvertently colluding to create something that looked so soft and yet so vibrant at the same time. Is there a meaning or a metaphor to be glanced from this? Or is it just something beautiful, just like all the other something-beautifuls of no particular significance?

Um, what's the missing 4%? Anarchist? Socialist?

2007-10-16T15:43:00.001-04:00

So I needed something mindless to do and took this rather tilted, not very subtle test (well, two polls--one on being a Democrat and the other on being GOP). My results were:

You Are 8% Republican

If you have anything in common with the Republican party, it's by sheer chance.

You're a staunch liberal, and nothing is going to change that!

How Republican Are You?

and...

You Are 88% Democrat

You are a card carrying Democrat, and a pretty far left one at that!

There's no chance anyone would ever mistake you for a Republican.

How Democrat Are You?

If I was to ante up a guess, it'd probably be something like 70% Democrat/30% Republican. Oh well.

En route to Lancaster...

2007-09-28T12:00:00.000-04:00

Finally an opportunity to sit and think...

I’m writing this over the air above Boston--we’ve just taken off for Harrisburg, which means I’ll have a precious 1 hour and 45 minutes or so until I will be again amongst people for the weekend--until I go to Harrisburg to fly home Sunday.

I am in a back row with ah hem, a rather large woman, who is nice and friendly but making me contort my body in my seat. Its sad she’s obese and furthermore sad for me that she turned down the lady next to us who has a whole row to herself who offered to switch seats. I’d rather act kindly to her, so I’ve been making some chit chat. She’s now dosing a bit and I’m typing this blog since its one of the rare times I get with being so busy to reflect and write a bit.

Just now it occurred to me that my 27th birthday is 5 days away. My birthday always sneaks up on me--perhaps becaue it is right at the beginning of October. Lately, I haven’t even had time to talk to my own husband, as we’ve been out in the evenings or just too tired to think, let alone talk about our lives and going ons together.

I think I should take the next few days to decide what I want the 28th year of my existence to be about. 2-8 was always the age I said I wanted to be when I would have children. Still, that seems awfully close and I feel awfully unprepared and not at the level of seniority and responsibilty career-wise that I want to be.

I’m a little sad that Keith is working today and not coming on this trip. We always travel together. We’re rarely apart. In fact, the last time we were apart was...hmmm...

...maybe June 2005? I went to a camp in early June 2005 for three days. I can’t think of any other time we’ve been away from each other for more than 24 hours.

Thinking back, maybe its a little amazing that we haven’t killed each other living together for 4 years and married for two years, considering we’re constantly around each other. On one hand, I miss him. On the other hand, the idea of sleeping in a bed without him snoring next to me has be a little excited (and a little guilty feeling).

Meanwhile, back in Boston, which is now 10 minutes of flying behind me, I’m sure Keith’s a little sad, but probably quite content that he’s got the whole apartment to himself until mid-Sunday. I think the freedom will go to his head probably, like a heady class of wine.

Last night was nice because we were able to use a $10 off voucher at Legal Sea Foods in Harvard Square. I got the mussels I wanted weeks ago from Polcari’s (where we dined for our anniversary), and lobster bisque, and the shrimp trio dish they didn’t have at the waterfront Legal’s in early August. We got to see and talk with each other too.

I hope I don’t look like the dumbass young alum this weekend. I’ve been barely coherent all week being run off my feet with my mind absolutely spent. Still, I’m really glad I have the opportunity to be asked to sit in and weigh in on this alumni board meeting to talk about ways to engage alumni around the country. And of course, I’m excited to see how the campus has changed--since its open unlike it usually is when I’m in Lancaster over a holiday weekend or break.

Cooking Mama

2007-09-24T16:59:00.000-04:00

A hilarious blog on our newest Wii Game "Cook Off with Cooking Mama"

Enjoy....

New Macinstuff

2007-09-23T18:12:00.000-04:00

Alyssa's computer bit the dust the other week, so we buckled down and ordered a bunch of new Mac gear.

Since she had an iBook from three-and-a-half-years ago, we decided the best fit (since she likes them small - and she doesn't need anything overpowered, albeit something peppy enough to last a few years is of course ideal) would be the Macbook. And she likes the white ones (like me).

Since I just got the Macbook a few months ago, we know first-hand what is up (except the new ones with the Superdrive come with more hard drive space and a faster processor), so we were pretty happy with that. At first, Alyssa was thinking that maybe we throw more memory in that one and switch, since I want more eventually, and since mine was a replacement and was stock, I didn't have the option at the time. We decided it could wait on my end and Alyssa deserves to have the new one with no marks or scratches. Even though mine is for professional purposes, the specs on the new one wouldn't be any real significant boon, so she should have the joy of a new machine.

Well, since we got this done online via the education discount, she qualified for a new (albeit not the new design) 4GB iPod Nano (free iPod - cool). Her iPod from two years ago has been doing great, but can't argue with free.

Also, she was offered (I guess another 'Back to School' thing) $100 off select printers - so we got a pretty nice $130 Cannon. So score again.

So we got the essential item (a new laptop for Alyssa) plus AppleCare - not that we didn't spend enough money - but Alyssa brought up on thing that we were on watch for... a new monitor for me... You can see where this is going... no?

For the work that I do, I need extra real estate for graphics and layout - hence the 70 lb. CRT that was on my desk. I also need things to be as spot-on as possible for the color - which also explains the giant pre-owned CRT. But in the end, I have a 10+ year old CRT which occasionally flickers and takes up far too much of my desk. It so was ready to be replaced, and we were thinking high-end, widescreen LCD.

So, Alyssa asked if the Cinema Displays at Apple would be good, and I let her know they are very high-quality for the work I needed to do, but were a little pricey. I do stuff freelance, so it not like I need to spend tons of money and get the best, but we looked at the price for the 23" widescreen with the education discount. We happened to also see a factory refurb in stock and snagged it.

So these trickled in, one by one, through the week, culminating (for me) with the display on Tuesday of this week. It is very nice. I haven't had tons of opportunity to use it for work, but it is very nice and it alleviates the clutter and nastiness of my desk.

We also picked up the other week some keyboard-protector things for our laptop. Alyssa's is clear and mine is black with white letters printed - so we can tell them apart (well, at least when they are open). So we are set for gear for quite a while.

Now for rearranging my workspace so I can make good use of all the new room on the desk.

Golden September

2007-09-23T18:00:00.001-04:00

I began writing an entry on September the 11th when a moment of quiet time interceded to talk about the life cycle of my basic existence starting up again--the beginning of school's start following Labor Day weekend. Then, suddenly, life interceded and a moment didn't clearly present itself until Keith left for a bookbinding course this afternoon.

The last two weeks of August started out pretty promising, or so I thought. My car was being sold, I was going to a wedding Aug. 31-Sept. 1, we were celebrating 2 years of marriage and 7 years of general togetherness on Sept. 3...however, since the start up of busy days and times have been frequently migraine inducing more workdays then I care to think.

It all started the last week of August when I was told I was going to have a third faculty member after all. Rather, a fourth, but Laura is in Georgia and barely asks me for anything (although the potential remains for her to give me work--making me a bit uneasy). My new faculty member is a former OB Unit member, who left in the mid-1990s to start a business.

Then, on the weekend we were in Easton, Penn. for Leslie & Jonathan's wedding the buyer for our car backed out. Being that this was the first car our buyer's family had ever have (the mother of the family not having a driver's license herself) I think the shock of the costs of insuring a 18 year-old Massachusetts driver hit hard. Still, Keith and I were immensely annoyed because we had sensed earlier that week that "something was up" and things were stalling unnecessarily. In the meantime, of course, we'd turned down over 10 individuals interested in seeing the car. So, we re-posted the car, got a few other interested parties fairly quickly, and after two viewings sold our car to a family in the South Shore area with two 16 year old girls who need a car to get back and forth from school and to go to after school events. We closed the deal on September 11th, a couple days before the family was to celebrate the Jewish New Year. So that was good to see the car ultimately went to students who would have some of the same memories I had, with professional parents who would see that the car would be treated well.

Almost two weeks later do I miss the car! Last weekend we took the time to go errand running and there was a definite urgency--less of an ability to window shop, take time for copious price comparing. Going shopping now must be conducted with a battle plan in mind--lists, review of the circulars, and a reasonable time objective to get in, shop, and get out. We're feeling the pain of no car when little errands crop up that need to be done, but we wait for them to stack up so that we're not renting a ZipCar constantly (since there's a 1 hour minimum). With a little time, and once my paychecks are no longer deducted for car insurance (and we get a handy check back--since we're still waiting for the Mass RMV to cancel our registration) and we're not writing out a $130 check come October 1, maybe I'll start to miss the car a little less.

Beyond that, life has been busy for other nondescript reasons that I can't put my finger on. I can't speak to any other major events and accomplishments of the last month--I feel like I'm just going to work, the days are jam packed, then I go home, feel utterly exhausted, get up, go to work...

At work, we've had some events. I came back to work on September 4th to find out that one of my quad mates, Barbara, had a son who died on August 30th, although his body was found in the woods near her home August 31st. Sadly, her son lost his life to a relapse into drug use, which turned out to be fatal--his first drug lapse of a year turned out to be too much, his heart probably seized during a walk, and he died. After hearing about Barbara's plight, I made the decision, somewhat nervously, to drive down with the car I still owned to Weymouth to at least deliver some catered food from Restaurant Associates and my condolences. Turned out that my visit, although Barbara herself wasn't sure she was ready to "see people" was the exact right thing to do and the right thing Barbara needed. The following day, Keith and I attended the son's wake, and this past week procured flowers and I baked muffins for the floor to celebrate Barbara's return. Its hard for her to come back and tackle 2.5 weeks of work and think about her son who always called her at her desk. We had a heart-to-heart about this Friday while I caught her up on other intrigues (read further on) related to our workplace. I feel confident that with time, as a routine is resumed, that hopefully some feelings of normalcy will resume. However, there is nothing anyone can say to someone who has lost a child--nothing will take the pain away completely. All anyone can do is just listen and try to understand as best as possible on the bad days.

I finally had it out with a quadmate who has been getting on everyone's nerves (quad, Unit, and other HBS staffers, some faculty, and a post-doc fellow) a few weeks ago. What I said just had to be said--I'm glad I finally snapped and spoke before the rational more ladylike part of my brain could talk me out of it. Since the assistant director for faculty support staffing was on vacation, the coordinator and HR finally had to have a "big chat" with her. I understand that they made it clear that I was not the "fall girl" but that the complaints had been coming from all over (and believe me, they have). We spoke just over a week ago and her behavior has been good, but its still questionable how genuine it is. For example, despite all her expressed concern to faculty members about Barbara's loss, I know she never sent a note of condolence. I guess we'll see. If she behaves herself because she's on notice, that's better than her not behaving at all. Finally, Jane, Barbara, and I feel like we can express ourselves cordially to one another without being shot "The Look", getting a loud "Ah hem," or having her bang her desk or foot stomp. I never mentioned it in blogs before (or really in conversation with many other people) because frankly, I have better things to blog about. Dealing with her was exhausting, so the last thing I want to do is write about it.

The weather has been so particularly beautiful. The quality of the sunlight and the soft warmth of most September days (although there have been some steamy 80-85 degree days) went largely unnoticed until adulthood. Perhaps this is because all of my life from age 5 to 22 was spent thinking about going back to school during this time of the year--now that life is consistently work Monday through Friday and is general in constant, it makes it easier to see other qualities in the world.

I'm going to be traveling a lot soon. A few weeks ago I was asked to represent the F&M Alumni Board in Boston at a board meeting to be represented by all national chapters. So F&M is paying the costs of me flying into Harrisburg International to attend a lot of meetings, take some tours, and basically treat my in-laws like a hotel and car rental service.

Then the following weekend, I'm spending my birthday (October 3rd) night in an airport flying into Pittsburgh. Then, we're spending the 4th with my grandparents, and Sunday evening with them as well, since they'll be leaving Friday morning to Sunday morning to be with my uncle down east. That'll give me Saturday and Sunday and Monday morning to hang with Mom. After having choice words for both of my brothers, I doubt I'll see either (don't even get me started).

My being a liberal sometimes has a lot to do with often being for government regulation. I personally don't think the rules are really for my benefit because I don't need a brain implant because I can follow basic rules such as following traffic signals, not vandalizing property, and generally being a considerate human being. I don't understand people though (especially in light of how people act around Barbara after her son dying) in that they can't do basic human being things without being told. If rules are what it takes to get people to behave, I'd rather have the rules than none at all. Sure, people still break laws--but not without fear of the consequences and for those who are caught, punishment.

At any point, I'm rambling now and I need to eat. More blogs coming soon (ok, well I hope) on other things besides the stresses of my life.

Totally explains why I married Keith...

2007-08-24T09:13:00.000-04:00

Square wide jaw and prominant jaw line. Here's to my caveman....

Car for Sale

2007-08-23T13:33:00.000-04:00

I'm in a "write-y" sort of mood today, but life is pretty slow to say the least. Still summer, although much cooler (thank you Jesus!), quiet weekend (also very good), quiet at work. I feel like I am just biding my time until Labor Day weekend.

So, what to write about?

I put my car up for sale this past weekend and as of 20 minutes ago got the firm go-ahead from a fellow Harvard employee that they will buy the car for $4940. I should be happy since I estimate that this will free up probably $300+ a month that currently goes for insurance, gas, parking, and maintenance for maybe $100 a month in Zipcar fees...but, I'm sad because I'm selling off my history. It was a fleeting and actually happy thought this morning that--"maybe it'll fall though or maybe no one will want it after all." But now I realize that the car will be gone as of Labor Day weekend and I'm nervous about being car-less for the first time in seven years.

The Focus was my first car I ever owned--my first new car. It is the third car I drove that I had a claim of over ownership over--my first, a 95 Chevy Cavalier purchased shortly before my 17th birthday by my parents in August 1997 (which met its sad end in an auto collision courtesy of a reckless driver ramming into me in June 1998), a Ford Escort that I shared very briefly with Steven upon my return home from Sweden in 1999 (when I was home from college). Then, it was this car, purchased May 19, 2000.

I remember...

talking to my parents in their bedroom when they called me to discuss my buying the car...picking it out between a red sedan and a red hatchback after a gold-colored one fell through...picking it up...my first real drive with my brothers and mom in the back seat going to Altoona...running the first errands after a mere one week of ownership in it where an errant gallon of orange juice exploded behind my seat on the floor--leaving the carpet sort of citrus-y and crispy ever since...my first out-of-state driving trip going solo to see my then-boyfriend in Connecticut despite my mother's objections...denting it a mere two months of ownership with a hitch from a Mack truck and being co-conspirers with my mother to hide the damage from my Dad until the bumper could be fixed...showing it off at college (when the Focus was a brand new model--hopefully to revitalize the Ford brand)...going to college back and forth moving out of multiple dorm rooms...moving into summer apartments and to/from my Nonni's place...digging it out of 6 feet of snow the Winter of 2003 with F&M grounds running a bobcat...going to summer classes and work in West Chester.

Driving back and forth over summers 2002 and 2003 to see Keith in Lancaster. Driving it up spring break March 2003 to Boston to see the town I would call home that I had never seen before. Getting the title and the car fully paid off right after college graduation. Driving it back and forth for family visits and holidays, back and forth for wedding planning, cramming myself into the front passengers seat in a wedding gown on my wedding day, going home with all our wedding loot piled in and my wedding gown and bouquet on top, road trips, weekend weddings, moving to and from new apartments, going to job interviews, crazy Boston driving and New England sightseeing, the ever-constant Costco runs, and now, it'll be gone...and I can't wrap my brain around it really.

When I got the bright idea to sell the car, I didn't consider how I was selling a piece of my history that has carried me through so many milestones. I didn't consider how many of my best memories, even those that seemed unimportant and not poignant, are attached to the car. And so, a little bit of my heart is breaking even though I keep logically telling myself to get real. "It's just a car!" I tell myself. I feel like a mental case inside.

Sure, I could pull out and not sell the car, but that would be stupid at best. The car is in excellent condition, 7 years old with 75,000 miles. Its going to a family who will have this car as their very first. The mom doesn't even have a driver's license. The son in the family is commuting back and forth to Bentley College. So the car will lead a second life taking someone to college, on dates, on adventures, provided its well cared for. When they saw it Tuesday night and exclaimed over it how well it looked for the price we want, I almost thought that I should say--"I changed my mind," throw Keith in, jump in, and drive off.

Everyone else as been shady who messages me. I'm getting every single wacko in the world e-mailing me with messages like:

"I see car and want car. I but need car right now this week. I pay cash." After a few of these e-mails with shady bits about wanting my address, and paying cash (who carries 5K around?) and needing it this second I had to wonder if my car would be used to smuggle bodies or drugs or something after Keith and I were held up at gunpoint for the car. While I never considered it at the time, I know that not just "anyone" was going to take MY car. It had to go to someone that would take care of it like I did, preferably a college student again.

Ironically, in my advice column reading which is a regular habit of the day, some readers recently have been writing into to talk about memories with their cars. I thought they were all crazies as they talked lovingly about their old jalopies. I guess I'm nuts too.

There will be other cars--the car that Keith and I buy as a married couple, the car that brings our babies home from the hospital, the car that takes them to day care, soccer practice, play dates, family vacations...the car that drives them to college eventually. I'll probably feel little pangs as I sell those as well because I'm a nut like that. Its just a little too much and more than ironic that I will lose my first real car and my first home all in the matter of months.

I want to shake this guy's hand...

2007-08-20T16:10:00.000-04:00

Thank you so much, sir, for having the guts to seek a perspective beyond what you see on TV.

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/city_region/breaking_news/2007/08/after_11000_mil.html

Our children at three...

2007-08-19T17:59:00.001-04:00

Yes. I am referring to our cats at "our children." Yes. Laugh as you will...

In any regard, we celebrated today the birthday of our two pets, Ghost & Goblin. They are cats and they are adorable.

Celebrating basically entailed the following:

Getting a card from our pet insurance company. This proved popular last year. Doing a brief search of our site on Google... many of the hits have to do with the scan of last years card. That and some dude in in Taiwan really liked the picture of me giving a "thumbs up" for Martha Stewart. Fun fun.
Feeding them tuna for breakfast. We are normally fastidious about feeding them food that is good for them (albeit they do get their Pounce treats all the time), but its their birthday. And for a cat, they get one every seven years. Or is it five. Er... um... tuna. Yup.
Birthday gifts. We like getting them little things that both of them will enjoy, although each is geared toward the interests (heh) of each cat. Ghost likes exploring. He likes getting out of the house on car rides (no joke). He looks out the window constantly. So... we got him a harness and a leash. Goblin, however, likes to attack and pounce on things. And she likes running around like an idiot. So we got her a laser-pointer.

As for reactions to their gifts:

Ghost wasn't too keen on donning the harness. Hell, he doesn't like his regular collar.
Ghost also wasn't keen on going outside. He constantly stares out at the wide world in awe and wonder, but as soon as he got out to the front door, he crawled up the porch stairs and towards the door. We had to set him back out a couple of times.
Ghost enjoyed finding new smells (eventually) but seemed to be a little wigged out by the tether. Also, he walked like he was wading though several inches of water on not-so-very-long grass. Weirdo.
Goblin (as expected) ran around like an idiot after the elusive red dot. Ghost seemed interested, but not a quarter of the fervor his sister displayed. I tuckered her out after about a half hour of continuous "chase the dot."

So that is about that. Our kitties are three years old now - still cute as ever.

Thar she blows!

2007-08-16T10:04:00.000-04:00

This blog is fast turning into the "Alyssa Show." Its a little late to be blogging about the previous weekend the following Thursday, but I was hoping my husband would have time to share his wisdom and perspective on the blog before I wrote another consecutive entry. There is no sign of his schedule letting up, therefore, I am electing to write again before I completely forget the little nuances and details of what I want to write.

My mind is firmly entrenched in the autumn right now even if my body happens to be stuck in the sweltering, humid final days of August. I have a headache right now at work because I just spent 30 minutes trying to unclog our Canon copier because *somebody* keeps loading it with bonded paper which always has and always will jam the entire machine. With my head pounding, I am sitting here, writing this, and wishing I was back home in bed with my two cats for company. I feel like laying around today.

I dread the fact that I am sitting her spewing about eagerly anticipating the autumn when chances are I will suddenly recall in the midst of a January chill that I squandered the last days of summer longing for a more temperate season. There's something said for being in the moment or "loving the one you're with." I'm not doing such a hot job with that right now.

With no vacation to go on now, little in the way of big plans, my mind is definitely more set towards better things, better home, better occupational duties, more of this and that, blah blah blah, children eventually. Perhaps if I keep myself busier or try to keep my head cooler, I'll feel less like my brain is short circuiting. Its always a great aspect of myself that I'm always onto new and better things to always be looking for the next project or next item to scratch off on my to-do list, but I don't think contentment in the now is ever going to happen for me.

After blowing off some steam, I should talk about the fun things that occured this past weekend. Mid-day Saturday Keith and I left our apartment (which if it was a person, and not a place would have been feeling *shocked* at being completely picked up and polished for the first time in months) to meet up my mother, my youngest brother, and my mom's boyfriend to go whale watching in Boston Harbor. We saw quite a few whales with a male whale Aporn being quite the show off. The day was absolutely gorgeous with azure skies, warm but not humid, and breezy. It was the first nice summer weather we'd seen in weeks.

We caught dinner at Legal Sea Food in the Harbor area and then parted so we could take Jimmy out pub crawling. That was fun, but we only made it to two bars before the menfolk petered out at 1:30 am. We got up the next morning with Dave and Mom meeting us at our apartment so we could head out to a celebratory brunch that Keith and I treated the group to for Mom getting her new job! I showed them around Harvard, took them back to our place, where we watched old family movies and laughed our butts off at mostly my young antics.

Then, Keith, Jimmy, I, and two friends who bought tickets with us went to the New England Revolution MLS game who was playing the LA Galaxy--now the home team of David Beckham! Of course, if you've read much about this game you know that Beckham sat on the sidelines the entire time while while NE Revolution won the game. The crowds occasionally rang with the chant "Overpaid, Overpaid, Overpaid" and booing rang out when the jumbotron showed Becks sipping his Gatorade on the slidelines. Here's a news story.

Regardless, it was a fun game, something that I think more NE residents should go to because the games are a ton of fun especially watching the crazy die-hard fans in "The Fort" or the fireworks going off when there's a goal, or the minutemen militas stationed at either side of the field with muskets and yellow cards and red cards when appropriate. We had great seats for $34 a pop at half field, 11 rows up. They also have very reasonable family packages.

It was back to work at Monday and this week has had its fast moments and its slower moments. This weekend will be quiet which is good, but hopefully Keith and I will do some fun things. As always when looking towards the future, the weekend is a good thing to be focused on.

Transitions

2007-08-03T12:10:00.000-04:00

Some people really despise or fear change, but I don't think I am one of them. I've always gloried in new sites, sounds, jobs, homes, experiences (for the most part--there are always exceptions like eating lard spread on your bread in Germany or bungee jumping). I'm a pretty adaptable person, overall. I like taking on new tasks because I feel like I'm earning another merit badge on my imaginary "Life Scout" sash that only I can see. I find meaning in life by maximizing the number of experiences (some ultimately positive, others negative) I have throughout my time on Earth.

In early adulthood, big changes are pretty much inevitable because life is fluid and flexible and its often the first opportunity one gets to make decisions without someone guiding you. Life can get scary because there are so many decisions to make off the bat and its easy to become bogged down with thoughts, indecisive, and mentally paralyzed that *this* decision...this *one little decision* can translate into bigger consequences down the road. I strongly believe that the tiniest, most seemingly inconsequential decisions we make, often unconsciously translate into the most meaningful and educational experiences in our lives. Thinking back, some of those little moments for me included:

Baking blueberry muffins as a little kid with my father's mother
Taking discarded pastels, markers, and crayons to draw during summers
Approaching a stern looking teacher as an awkward high school freshman to join a school club
Listening one October morning to a homeroom announcement my junior year of high school
Deciding randomly to input info into a computer program to look for colleges
Not biting the head off a guy who tapped me on the shoulder after an art class my freshman year of college
Having the guts to ask out a guy who I thought was a little odd and completely unlike me

Respectively, these seemingly small decisions:

Instilled a love of hospitality that flourishes to this day
Nourished a love of aesthetic and sense of creativity
Instilled confidence and pride of work, made important friendships, learned a lot about the characteristics I value and what I don't
Opened the door to a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I cherish still very much, instilled a new sense of confidence in my ability to start life anew, tested existing beliefs
Pointed me directly to where I should go to grow intellectually, make important friendships, fine tune and formulate life experiences thus far, provide space to critically think and finish growing, provide safe place for doubts
Eventually led me to meeting my future husband, make important friendships that taught me the value of sticking to my beliefs, even when its tough
Gave me the greatest love a wife could ask for

However, as time goes on and the needed decisions get made, the outcome is a set way of being with real and mental limits following thereafter. Nothing's impossible, but one can encounter many obstacles that are difficult to overcome both physically and/or mentally. For example, once you buy a house and have kids, its hard to say--"Hey, let's move to Japan for a year!" or when you're a retired couple in your golden years to say "Hey, let's do the Running of the Bulls in Pamploma!" It can be done, but generally considering the risks and the strenuous efforts it takes makes most people quickly abandon their ideas or flights of fancy.

Individuals who show more tenacity usually end up in some human interest news story as if they are strange anomalies ("Family quits jobs, school, and sells house to travel world for a year" or "94 year old woman earns master's degree"). If the more persistent person doesn't abandon a dream/idea/plan, surely those around him will convince him that its "silly" or "unecessary" or that its not "rational" or "responsible" or "sensible." Not that that's a bad thing--considering the ideas some men in a mid-life crisis frequently come up with--but, with time there are more limitations and additional considerations. I think that's a part of why many people find aging difficult--they miss the freedom or the opportunities they didn't pursue that are now much more unlikely. Only some of it is regained by empty-nesters and more so with retirees (provided they've planned ahead).

Not that getting older and set up and established is completely void of value. Habits and routines facilitate comfort, security, and dependability. One is usually able to use the resources around to maximum efficiency and effectiveness. You begin to see and experience little things that someone passing through might not truly appreciate (of course, the opposite is true that many do not appreciate what they always have). Upon marriage, its comforting to know that you have someone always right next to you, your teammate and greatest fan---of course, provided that one has correctly judged the character of her spouse. Its great to see the fruits of your work--the career you've developed, the home you've built, your children in front of you--who especially thrive best on a dependable set of parents and a secure home.

So no, I don't fear changes--I tend to thrive on them. Someday I'll decide for more security and a set plan, but until then, I'll enjoy the flexibility that life affords me and keep my eyes peeled for opportunities that might lead to a new adventure. But some days, I think about the greater trappings of adulthood critically and envy those who seem so much more assured of what they are doing for the next 10 years. Moments later, I think about what dreams or ideas that would require giving up and quickly resort back to me old, happy-go-lucky, change-loving self.

What I do fear, however, is loss. In the next few months I will permanently lose the setting of my childhood home as my mom has accepted a job in Eastern Pennsylvania and decided to head back to the side of the state from whence she came. It makes a lot of sense for her and something that's been planned and mentally anticipated for some time. But now that its happening, its a little hard to believe.

Some people would call that a change, a pretty minor one since its just a change of address, but its not--and here's why...

For someone that tends to like new experiences for the moment, the biggest curse is being sentimental with a good memory. I tend to attach myself to memories, photos, films, and places. I enjoy the past very much as I make plans for the future. But since my parents have now been divorced for 2.5 years, I can't plan for future Christmases in a new home as an intact family with my brothers and my husband, eventually my kids, and eventually their wives and kids. This isn't a new thought, but I have always been able to head back to where I've lived since 8 months of life to age 17 and at least remember times as a family. I can still do that, but of course, things won't be the same. I'll never be able to show my kids where I grew up and I'll never see them toddling around the places I used to well, toddle. It certainly isn't that rare of a situation, and I'm a big girl, so I'll be fine ultimately--but...well, it'll take a little longer than usual to wrap my head around it.

What is a bit of sadness for me is a great opportunity for change for my mother. New place, new town, new sites, some old sites, some more closeness to family and some friends with a new job. Here's hoping it goes well, Mom!

Ta Da!

2007-07-31T09:49:00.001-04:00

Photos of Sweden and Iceland have now been posted in the photo gallery of the website!

Steamy, Slow Life

2007-07-27T15:38:00.000-04:00

After being in the pleasant temperatures and balmy breezes of Sweden and Iceland, Boston feels positively tropical. Keith and I are always sweating here. Just walking home from the bus stop the last few days has been a sticky situation--literally. By the time I get home, my clothing is sticking to me from all the sweat as my cats dance around me begging for their mid-day meal.

After several days in the high 80s, low 90s (that's about 30-35 degrees Celsius for those of you who use metric) with a decent amount of humidity in the air and bright sun, I'm ready for fall. As I sleep in our living room the last few nights underneath our lovely air conditioner (unfortunately, one does not fit in our bedroom) I am dreaming of crisp fall air, apple cider, darker evenings, and colorful leaves. Crazier still, I'm looking forward to the return of the students and the absence of the tourists.

Even though it is a mere two weeks since we got back, it feels like two months. Work life has been steady but quiet--rather slow paced. After being back in the midst of travel where just talking and going places is a challenge, regular life seems downright boring. Crazy because we've done some fun things these last few weeks--going to two movies, reading the latest Harry Potter, attending a party, going to the Harvard farmer's market, having friends over... We're going to an F&M alumni function Saturday and Keith will be working on a lot of his freelance stuff.

Keith and I are still thinking of relocating someday to Sweden (no, that hasn't passed and I doubt it will for me at least) and I'm signing up for Swedish classes for the academic year at Harvard College(intermediate level, since that's the highest offered) to improve. I'd like to improve regardless, so, hey--why not. I think though that this weekend I'll spend less time thinking about that and more about long-abandoned projects--sketching out my family tree, organizing photos, maybe finally beating Harvest Moon. Maybe invite some friends over.

Next week the goal is to get back to the gym now that I am completely ear-infection free and I finished antibiotics. Both Keith and I have little moments when our throats spasm and we cough a little, but its practically gone.

If there's anything I can suggest to anyone on what to do with these last dog-days of summer is to go see "Sicko." Even if you don't like Michael Moore and his political polemics. I have never seen "Roger and Me" but this film seems to transcend political boundaries because the issue is something so far reaching amongst average Americans. Mr. Moore asks the same question that I've often thought of my compatriots in that "What have we become?" If its one thing I've never gotten about my native land, is the indifference and downright lack of empathy we feel for our fellow citizens here. Even if a socialized approach to medicine is never adopted in this country (and there are many ways to skin a cat--I think we need a uniquely American solution) I think we could all benefit as people by thinking more about our neighbors.

Vacation Report

2007-07-13T20:25:00.000-04:00

I'd like to say that blogs will be more regular this summertime now that we are not taking any classes or preparing to travel. But that'd be lying. We have so many other things to get done around here, so many other projects, and already I see the summer flying by now that our big summer vacation trip is past us. Keith for one has received offers for several after-hours projects to earn some money (helpful for paying for post-vacation bills and housing saving) which means I will be picking up more slack around the house accordingly.

First the good news--our trip to Sweden and Iceland from June 26-July 10 was tons of fun!
Now the bad news--we spent half of it sick. Not just a few sniffles sick either. Keith thought he was going to be burying me in Sweden around July 6th.

We did tons of things, I showed Keith tons of things and saw a few new things myself. That said, there were many things we missed. Considering it was 5 years between my trip in 2002 and this year's vacation, we will be sure that our next trip back is before 2012. I would certainly hope so, otherwise, I will be bringing at least 1 small child and possibly 2 in tow if that's the case. Which means a whole different sort of vacation--as stressful as air travel is these days, it must be mega-stressful with toddlers.

Also new was Iceland. Iceland is a surreal beautiful sort of a country. The people are super friendly and really like Americans, or at least American dollars. That being said, they certainly march to their own tune. Swedes are pretty punctual people. Not Icelanders as we found out. I guess its what comes from living in what is essentially the Nordic Outback. They reminded me of the differences one sees in Northeastern Americans and say, Americans from the Western U.S. We quickly figured out to let things happen at their pace.

So, now, I am back in my apartment having missed work yesterday and today as well as I am still recovering from the Viking Scourge (the available doctor at Holyoke diagnosed me with recovering bronchitis and the worst middle-ear infection he had seen (left ear) and a only mildly-heinous ear infection in the other ear) while Keith had recovering bronchitis only. Keith and I discovered the hard way that NyQuil or its equivalent is available only by Rx only in Sweden. Next time, we're importing a 3 pack and bringing a script if necessary. This American likes her cough syrup. After tasting the Icelandic version of cough syrup, I even think cherry NyQuil tastes pretty good (seriously, you ought to taste what the Icelanders have to take when they get a cough--now I know what one meant when he said "the cure is worse than the ailment"). Ghastly stuff. Both of us will spend good bits of our weekend hacking at home and getting back into a routine. Back to full reality for us both Monday *sob*.

I already miss Sweden though. Hell, I was missing Sweden already about two days into our vacation. Keith and I are giving some serious thought to maybe trying a few years there down the road. Keith can work there no problem, and would pick up Swedish quickly. I know Swedish, but would likely have to get more creative in thinking up an appropriate job. After all, higher education just isn't the same kind of industry anywhere else in the world as it is in the U.S.

So lots to think about while finishing up our photo scanning, video copying, and remaining summer road trips.

3 weeks

2007-06-06T14:20:00.000-04:00

It's pretty hard to decide where to begin after such a long absence in blogging. I've decided to focus on positive events that are upcoming in Gibbsland and let the writing sort of floooow from there.

In three weeks we will be traveling!!!! Yay! We're going to Sweden (my fourth trip for me) and then to Iceland. Even though we have three weeks before departure, there's so much to do. Recently we've been replenishing our summer wardrobes (I have a fall birthday and Keith has a winter birthday which means our summer clothing is frequently lacking), making final arrangements, deciding what things we want to do. Iceland is pretty much set, but we need to be more organized with relation to our Stockholm plans. At any rate, its been a loong time since we've been able to go away for more a long weekend (5 days to get married in 2005, a one week cruise in 2004, and a two week vacation in 2000). This is long overdue.

Tomorrow is Commencement at Harvard University which means while students are milling about, graduates are preparing to graduate and proud parents are looking on, the staff is officially going into downswing mode. I'm making plans for organization projects so that next year is especially smoothly executed. I also plan to mill around the University and get information about opportunities here at Harvard. As a bonus to the staff, Harvard Business School is throwing a community barbecue on Friday and then giving us the afternoon off. All right!

Keith has been pretty busy with work, making sure he has his hours. This week and for the next few weeks he is taking on additional work for his company to revamp their website. They will pay him his hourly rate for the hours he racks up. That's good, because vacations to Sweden are expensive!

A lot of the reason I haven't had time to blog is finishing up the course I took this past spring. I don't have my final grade yet, but I hope that will show up shortly in my mailbox. One complaint I have about the school is that I have no way of knowing if there's a way for me to check my grades online--at BU, this was centrally located under their employee link. I did, however, get an A- on the final paper which is worth 30% of my grade! So that's good. Unfortunately, my other two small papers earned grades of B- each. I was able to improve for the final paper by asking Professor Freeland for some additional information for what he was looking for in the paper...that information paid off very well!

A key frustration of the spring was that my last "free" weekend before final paper mayhem began was that I came down with another cold. The next three weekends were gorgeous, but alas, I was stuck inside writing papers. The first weekend following the end of the class was miserable and rainy, the next weekend was Memorial Day weekend and we were out of town, and this past weekend was also overcast and drizzly. It looks like I will be breaking the cycle this upcoming weekend. The weather is supposed to be absolutely gorgeous!

Traveling to Lancaster for Memorial Day weekend was fun and it was good to see Keith's family as well as my Nonni, all of whom we hadn't seen since Christmas. However, traveling is always exhausting and that isn't going to change anytime soon since we want to settle here. I have no clue what we are going to do when we have small children. None whatsoever.

Hopefully as the date of departure draws near we will be able to keep you updated with all the excite and some of the fun activities that are ahead of us (including a game at Fenway on June 15th!)

Yesterday

2007-04-17T08:43:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, the biggest stories on the news should have been the drenching Nor'easter that hit the East Coast and the results of the Boston Marathon.

Instead, the biggest headline is that of Virginia Tech, a school known primarily for its engineering programs and football team, has become infamous for something entirely different--the location of the deadliest mass school killing in US History.

As someone who has earned an M.Ed. in Higher Education and aspires to a life-long career working at, in, and for colleges and universities, I don't know what to think. I don't know exactly what counseling and resources were in place for students feeling overwhelmed and dealing with the usual ups and downs of college life, although I have a pretty good idea it is what most campus have on hand. With a campus of 26,000 students I don't know what the administration could have honestly done differently to disseminate information to the community, hopefully to prevent further killings across campus. The idea of a text messaging system is ludicious--any good student turns off his/her mobile phone while listening to a lecture, if they have/bring one at all. Not everyone has laptops. This rampage began with students already assembling and commuting to classes.

It is very premature at this juncture to judge the school administration who did the best they could with the limited information, time, and means they had. After all, a university is a place of learning. They shouldn't begin to resemble prisons with lockdown systems, metal detectors, and armed guards patrolling the place. I strongly believe that if all of the measures the pundits are currently rambling about were put into place, the same individuals would be complaining about the prohibitive tuition hikes that would be needed to fund such a system. Many students wouldn't be able to afford those costs--for those who can afford tutition hikes, they are many who can't, and silently do not enroll because they can't afford it. Wouldn't this scenario simply be allowing this culture of violence win? Closing the doors of a college--making it less accessible, dampening and altering the culture of what are often the most formative years in a young person's life--is that how we really want to address this tragedy? It would be the antithesis of what higher learning is supposed to be at its very soul.

Shame on those who use this to politicize their own agendas. Nothing angered me more, nothing...than this e-mailed reaction I read yesterday on the Internet:

Philip Van Cleave, President, Virginia Citizens Defense League:

"Subject: VA-ALERT: Gun-control claims lives at Virginia Tech
As most of you know VCDL has been pushing hard to change Virginia law to allow college and university students with concealed handgun permits to be able to carry a gun on campus for self-defense. ... We could not get the bills out of subcommittee.
The General Assembly turned a deaf ear to allowing college and university students to be able to protect themselves and here we are today :-(
ENOUGH OF ELITIST BALONEY FROM COLLEGES AND UNIVERSITIES! If just ONE of those victims had been armed, this most probably would have turned out very differently."

I don't know about you, but I think its pretty audacious and callous when the deceased have not even been dead 12 hours, their families haven't been notified yet(!), and Mr. Van Cleave begins blaming those who died for not having a handgun at the ready while they attended lectures and taught classes. Is that what the grieving need to hear in the immediate aftermath--is that the most productive use of the airwaves now?

Realistically, if a door swings open mid-lecture and someone starts shooting--how much accurate reaction time is there? Would everyone be of a Marine marksman level with their aim? If Mr. Van Cleave had his way, would not the deaths in this scenario be succeeded by everyday accidents, mishandling, mis-firing characteristic of those who do not regularly drill with firearms? What about the many (not all, but many) current sportsmen and sportswomen (hunting being a sport that is on the decline from past decades) who go hunting, sitting in tree stands while drinking beer; their growing up around guns hasn't made them immune to accidents. (I grew up in an region where hunting was bountiful and a major part of the culture. People regularly went hunting while drinking beer--I've heard plenty of near miss stories involving trigger happy or half-drunk hunters. Hell, even our own Vice President shot a man last year. Still, that's my best friend's choice of hobby and I'm fine with it.) Would you want drunk college students packing heat on Saturday nights while they are out carousing the streets? I sure as hell don't.

Why is Mr. Van Cleave blaming the victims? Shouldn't we, as a society, aspire to a weapons-free campus? Even when the task is daunting? Is the answer to this societal problem more guns, more violence to meet violence? I hope that's not where American life is headed. If that day comes where weapons are as necessary as the books a student carries, I will no longer work in higher education. I have no desire to keep a gun at my desk or in my bag--regardless of the gun laws past, present, and future--and I suspect many fellow Americans are likeminded. What is Mr. Van Cleave's suggestion for the shootings that occur at preschools, elementary, and secondary education? Does he want to arm 5-year-olds as well?

Frankly, I'd much rather live in an America where I don't have to view every countryman as a potential assassin. But I'm of secondary importance to any future family. I'll raise my kids where not only the freedom to bare arms is preached but responsibility to bear those arms is emphasized 5x as much (an emphasis that has fallen by the wayside as of late). I don't see how the right to bare arms for simple defense and sport is violated by a simple compromise to restrict access to automatic and semi-automatic weaponry and extensive screening. If you aren't a criminal, you have nothing to fear by the screening--its part of the responsibility of owning a gun. This is a realistic compromise for the betterment of society as a whole, not just one lobby.

I don't pretend that some evil intentioned individuals will get banned weapons---but geez, folks, do we need to make it easy for them? Is it not obvious to individuals that its much, much easier to kill people at a greater distance and in greater numbers than with knives, poison, cars, rocks, etc? Thirty-two people would not have died yesterday using any other weapon than a gun.

A University's responsibility is to keep its students, faculty, and staff reasonably safe. This includes a security presence on campus, encouraging students to take basic common sense precautions (a majority campus crimes occur when students don't lock their doors to their rooms, wander out at late hours, or leave valuable property lying out). Virginia Tech most likely had all of these in place--yet, it seems the media, parents, and some students will make them out to be the scapegoats. That is sad, because it will not even begin to scratch the surface of what is wrong here--a society that elevates violence to cult-status and continues in the 21st Century to attach a stigma to mental health disorders and seeking non-judgmental assistance. This is a nation that chooses a personal right for a minority of Americans to own automatic and semi-automatic weapons over a society-wide benefit--the safety and security of our own youth, no less. I desire that my elected officials start really examining their priorities--a greater priority for the relatively few to use a semi to shoot deer (not very sporting or a demonstration of good marksmanship, in my humble opinion) or to prevent disillusioned everybodies from obtaining weapons of this caliber and threatening the security of the group at large?

Even if the most extreme and imaginatve security measures are theoretically put in place at a cost of keeping tutition down, investing in academic programs, community outreach, student groups, and housing--I promise you that it will be breeched by a sick man wanting to do harm--especially as in this case, it was one of VT's own students. In my mind, I've run through every extraordinary(and currently probably non-existent) security system that could have been put in place--all had their own drawbacks and potentials for misuse, abuse, or the potential hazard of locking the killer in with his victims.

It over-simplifies the issue that says we need to take weapons from "the bad guys" and arm "the good guys." The bad guys are not easily identifiable--they do not walk around looking like Dr. Evil, The Joker, and Lex Luthor. Preliminary media reports and message boards suspected that it was perhaps a Muslim terrorist-type--but lo and behold, it was an Asian-American student! There is nothing like tragedy to bring out the most unimformed, bigoted, and frankly, unimaginative group of morons that make me ashamed to say we share citizenship with the same nation.

This killer, as heinous as his actions were, was not a vision of evil and malice. Before yesterday, he was most likely an overloaded and overwhelmed student who didn't get the help he needed for his mental problems by withdrawing from his peers. Would strict enforcement of existing gun laws have prevented this young man from obtaining rapid-fire firearms? No. Was there anything in this student's background that would override his constitutionally protected right to bare arms? Probably not, although I guess we'll find out.

We need to really search our soul and re-examine our priorities. I've made my decision--the gun lobby does not speak for me or to my most basic concerns---that forcing Americans to arm themselves against one another is the antithesis of brotherhood and would bring about the end of civilized society as we know it. I do not wish to live in the Wild West, and I suspect many feel the same way. The time has come for us to make known our priorities. If your priority is that you want to "hunt buck" with a semi--great, but let's have an accounting--a census of priorities. I suspect many will feel as I do.

Five years ago, I visited a class of 8-year-olds in a school outside Stockholm. One boy asked me in trepidation if students at American schools were punished by being shot. In my best Swedish, I told him that weapons are not allowed in schools, but sometimes people are angry and hurt and react in the wrong way. His embarassed teacher seconded that all nations have people who are sad and have problems. She was right. The X-factor in the States though is that we think that having a right to bare arms (even though a majority of us DON'T) supercedes what's best for the group. Already the criticism about our "gun crazed culture" is coming from India, Australia, and Japan. With a war already going on in the Middle East, and the world watching--what do we, as Americans, do? What is to be our global reputation, our legacy?

New Server

2007-04-12T10:57:00.000-04:00

Hey all-

Just leaving a quick note for everyone that we switched to a new host/new server/etc. If stuff is dodgy, let me know - my computer is in the shop and kind of doing this piecemeal on Alyssa's computer (without all the tools I would want).

Will blog soon about Easter etc. soon.

Mahhch has been a good month

2007-03-27T17:35:00.000-04:00

Frankly, I'm not being too good about this blogging thing lately. Suffice it say, life in the New Year has been pretty good so far. There always continues to be things to do and errands to run, but the dawning of springtime is always a very hopeful time of year. We got off easy this winter. It was fairly mild. Now, spring seems upon us. I see bulbs budding, birds chirping constantly, squirrels out and about, sunnier days, warmer days.

The most exciting thing I can report at this time is that Keith and I are definitely going to Sweden in June 07! YAhOOOO! We booked our tickets this past weekend. We depart June 26th at 9:30 am, arrive early morning in Iceland and continue onto Stockholm. On the way back, we will stop for 3 days and 2 nights in Reykjavik. So psyched!!! It'll be pricy and is probably not our most financially solvent decision living in expensive ol Boston following a unemployment bout late last year on my part, but, I need to go. Its been five years and Keith and I barely had a honeymoon. We need a trip that's less about the people we see in the US and more about people and things I've not experienced in a long time. I feel like this is the last piece of the puzzle I am giving my husband, since the year abroad and semester abroad really shaped the person I am today.

We'll stay in my old stomping grounds (Eskilstuna, Sodermanland) for a week, make excursions around hopefully, and then, Stockholm for 5 days and 4 nights, hopefully with "host relations" in the area, then Iceland. It's going to be friggin awesome!

Also positively, I feel is my job. Things are going very well and I feel more comfortable and confident day-to-day. I feel like if I do not know something, I know where I can get a starting point of info. I like the culture. I like my faculty--I have a great desk. I feel like I'm in a good place for the first time since leaving college, and that's awesome too.

Keith is doing well. Unfortunately, March was not the healthiest of months. I had the common cold of hell and he got it, then he gave it back to me, etc. You probably see where this is going. I had a general malaise and some extended sick time, not fun. But I'm better now except for a little post nasal drip. Keith is better too.

Easter is coming up and we are flying to Pittsburgh, which I love, because I love flying for the most part and hate driving. This means Keith's parents aren't going to see us, which is not great, since they haven't seen us since the Christmas holidays. However, I'm confident we'll make a trek down there some long weekend. Probably it'll have to be Memorial Day weekend because I can't ask any more time off before the big two week trip, and we need at least 3 days.

All in all, things are good here in Gibbs-land. Please check in and let me know how things are!

Where to begin....

2007-02-23T16:33:00.000-05:00

It has been quite some time since I last updated this blog. To sum life up since the New Year...

...January was the longest month of my existance. I will always remember January 2007 as the month where I was working all month frantically on work related projects, frequently staying late, and dealing with the onslaught of classes beginning again. It was a month that just wouldn't END. Even though the overtime hours I put in weren't crazy bad (nothing like Room Selection at BU Housing) the quick, high octane, get this done or drop dead pace left me a mere shell of myself when I came home and sat like a puddle on the couch.

By month's end the light at the end of the tunnel was viewable. I signed up at Shad Hall, HBS' gym, and even signed up for the 30 day get fit program. Certainly it has been good for getting my tuckus in high gear. I also started a class on February 7 which is going well so far. There's only been three classes, one which I missed due the nasty Valentine's Day storm last week, and the worst part is that it involves group work. Not that I hate people or anything--but its hard enough to work full time and go to class and do the reading and also find time that suits someone else's schedule to do a presentation. However, 30 people are in the class and 30 presentations is too many. So I understand that...I would have just refrained from doing presentations. But that's me...

One thing that also changed in January was my work schedule. Coming home the Thursday before Martin Luther King day I was walking from the bus stop to my apartment when I spied two men in puffy jackets acting suspiciously in an alleyway. To describe the situation, they appeared to be trying to hide so they could jump and unsuspecting passerby. I was alone, except for a young man directly across the street from me. So I stared them down, they stared at me, and then I booked it. I booked it directly to the other man, kept near him, and then huffed it home. Called the police. They came immediately and patrolled the area and found nothing. But they thanked me for calling and said there are some groups that do hang out in the area (near a rec center nearby) at night, so they would continue to patrol the area regularly when possible.

This wasn't good enough for me. So I negotiated with my faculty to work a 8-4 schedule until springtime. Frankly, I wouldn't mind keeping the schedule. Its easier for me to get up in the morning and I'm my best and brightest in the morning, especially when everyone else hasn't come in yet. I find it a huge advantage getting things done and there's never a shortage of things to get done, for sure. So maybe they'll let me keep it, but maybe not. We'll cross that bridge eventually.

At the end of January our heat in our apartment inexplicably failed. And continued to fail. As of today, we've had one full week with heat, but we are hitting up our landlord for a very generous refund of rent. Boston law is very, very clear on what is acceptable living conditions for an apartment and this apartment was outside the bounds of the law for 20 DAYS. When the temperatures outside were 0-20 degrees at best!!! Our landlord had surgery almost two weeks ago so we are trying not to harass him day and night, but still, we're not paying rent until we get down to some kind of equitable solution.

In addition to the mess that our neighborhood and commute became following last weeks snow/ice/slush/sleet storm, we were yet again the victims of crime or perhaps mere misfortune. Our entire back windshield was smashed in by a block of ice sometime late Wednesday the 14th early Thursday the 15th. No other cars in the lot were touched, however, ours was the only one minus snow on top (we made efforts to defrost the car before it froze on it). There was certainly nothing worth stealing in the car at all and the car was in fine shape the Wednesday night before. Since I had a planned personal day the 16th to catch up on necessary appointments etc, it was up to Keith to bag work, take care of the car, and then work Saturday. So Keith lost his long weekend. He also had the indignity of digging out our car with our hands so the glass could be replaced because our landlord/contractor for our apartment did not have the driveway shoveled and so 5 inches of solid ice formed on it. This wasn't corrected until Saturday and so we are taking steps there to be financially compensated.

One week later I am still busy, but much better than where I was a month ago. I'm still feeling unsettled about my future and can't seem to wrap my head around what it is I want to do. I'm taking steps to go to workshops and the like and see what will be a good fit. I'm not sure I have what it takes for a PhD program, even if I could get in. I'm not sure the drive is there. Needless to say I have some time to figure it out, but I don't want to be complacent and have the right timing sneak up on me.

This weekend will be spent largely cleaning, some shopping and working on projects. My free time has been spent largely working on our taxes, gathering any last minute documents for taxes, playing more Harvest Moon, and trying out the new Wii. Admittedly, I think my whole favorite item on the console, despite playing games with friends has to be the weather section. I've always had a fascination with globes and geography; one of my earliest memories as a child was painstakingly examining the globe on my grandparents piano.

Hopefully the next update will not come 7 weeks after this one!